I did this meme a few years ago and thought the time was ripe to revisit it again. I’ve learned what you know is constantly influx, evolving and changing as days blend into months and years. Yesterday the beauty of white flowers against the backdrop of a vibrant blue sky caught my attention. I love how small details honor the depth of the world.
Here is what I know:
Talking less is becoming a mantra in my life. Speaking less results in shifting my gaze outward. It means listening more and acknowledging that what I want to say rarely adds to an ongoing dialogue.
Understanding when it is appropriate to apologize. I spent my twenties and thirties taking blame for almost every situation which didn’t have a positive outcome. In midlife, I am careful with apologies. It isn’t always my fault and I don’t need to say the words “sorry” for situations and people beyond my control.
Show up. This one is important. To lead a full life requires showing up. How many times do we bring our best selves to our professions, relationships and to the external world? Showing up requires discipline. And living a life to its fullest potential is not a haphazard practice, but one which demands full attention.
Get over yourself. It’s a maxim I’ve thought about in the last few years. We’ve become a me-centric society – focusing on becoming so self-involved we aren’t able to recognize the multitudes around us. My husband and I are actively trying to teach our daughter to not make every situation about herself and to work toward sorting through hurt feelings by learning to react differently. I am learning this too.
Exercise, reading, writing, and spending time with my family are nonnegotiable. I am saying no to events and people who might compromise my pursuit of these activities.
Learning to be uncomfortable in uncertainty. I’ve said it so many times in this space. I detest uncertainty and constantly hedge my eye toward the future or somewhere in the past. Now is sometimes uncomfortable and I am trying to sit with it, understanding my acceptance of this feeling is the real way to embrace now.
People will let you down and you will learn to move on. In my twenties especially, I harbored resentment and regret over situations which disappointed me or caused heartbreak. To live is to engage in disappointment – to navigate around this angst relies on your reaction. It may sound like a cliché, but massaging our reactions is the only true way to move forward.
Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” In the last five years, I’ve ignored red flags choosing to believe otherwise even when the truth is obvious. Denial is dangerous. More times than not, your gut and instinct isn’t leading you astray. Don’t make excuses for people. Learn to accept what they are showing you is their truth. You devise your own.
Laughter is the quickest way to feel better. I don’t laugh enough. I am wound tight sometimes, but the quickest escape from this place is to look for the laughter. Laughter has never let me down.
Pay attention to the details of your world. What makes you content? Make the choice to fill your vessel with these people, activities and pursuits.
What do you know? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Also, I am so honored to have my words on Jena Schwartz’s The Roar Sessions. Please visit me in her space and read my thoughts on finding my roar in solitude. Thank you.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Oh, I love this. Talk less, show up, prioritize reading and family … Yes, yes, and yes. I’m still learning many of these also. Such wisdom. xox
Yes, learning too. Thanks, Lindsey. xo
Rudri, that Maya Angelou quote about “when people show you who they are, believe them” is one of my mantras. I love it. I’ve found the most important part, and the part I find the hardest, is the last bit…when they show who you who they are, believe them THE FIRST TIME! It would save a lot of dashed hopes and expectations if I could follow through on that! Thanks for the reminders!
Ann,
I wish I was wise enough to listen the first time, but alas I’ve needed several confirmations of the truth. It is definitely painful to repeat this cycle, but I hope I will continue to evolve and recognize the obvious signs. And then know to walk away.
(P.S. Thanks for reminding me that it was Angelou who said that line – I attributed it to her after reading your comment).
Lots of good food for thought here. I’m still learning although I feel about 100 years old right now . . . .
Yes, so hard sometimes, isn’t it, Luanne? Learning along with you… xo
I am so grateful for this. There is no room for uncertainty when the truth is there about who people are, but I still struggle to separate. Thank you. Your words have shown me again and again who you are and I am so very grateful for you and the peace I feel when I read your words.
I struggle too and sometimes these realizations come later than I prefer. But I’ve slowly built a life of awareness and recognition, no longer resisting the urge to walk away, especially when the whispers and yells are begging me to pay attention.
Thanks for the kind words, Amanda. I don’t always feel at peace, but I keep trying. xo
I have a series of blog posts myself that I call “These Things I Know.” I have so much fun writing them, and I love reading what other people have to say as well. Thank you for sharing!
I look forward to checking out your series, Christina. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. Yes, this meme is a great way to wade through various truths that have appeared in my life.
So true. Every bit of it. Thank you.
Glad it resonated, Amy. Thanks for letting me know.
Lots on here I still don’t know…but I’m trying to. What a great exercise, Rudri. Maybe I’ll have to do this too.
Kristen,
I do hope you add your voice to this reflection. I’d love to hear your insight.
I feel like being in your 30’s is a wealth of finding out so much, but of course, I can’t think of any of my favorites. One, that isn’t so positive, although it depends on how you look at it, is that many people never grow up. In my starry-eyed 20’s, I just figured we all work our stuff out. Well, nope! Some people are farther along, for sure, but battles sometimes have to be fought throughout life. And if we’re lucky, we gain more tools for the fight.
Important point, Tamara. I do believe some people crave reflection and evolution as they grow older, but others are content with the status quo. Thanks for adding your perspective.
Oh Rudri, so much of this post resonated with me. Like you, I spent many years apologizing for things that weren’t my fault. Not taking things personally has been a big lesson, and one I often revisit, for me. Thank you for this post today.
As we get older, I think we recognize that not all misunderstandings/situations are a result of our actions. It took me a long time to realize that and I still sometimes give in and apologize. I am still learning. . .
Small details honor the depth of this world? I’m lost in the beauty of that observation. That’s my truth and observation of meaning. The micro speaks and points to the macro of life for me. These are all beautiful knowings, Rudri. Showing up with preparation and discipline to be fully present in my work is something I’m working on lately and I appreciate your reminder of that wisdom here today
Barb,
I am so glad this piece resonated with you, Barb. Yes, I agree, showing up is integral in paying attention. xo
Oh yes, Rudri, to all this, especially saying sorry less and showing up more. Uncertainty scares me too, but I’m tying to learn to sit with that discomfort and be pleasantly surprised (at times) when things end up better than I expected. Love your wise words here and on Jena’s site!
Thanks, Dana. I am still trying to navigate uncertainty, but as I sit with it more and embrace the discomfort – I sense I am making progress.
I love this! I am going to print it out and give this wisdom to a friend that needs it now. Xox
How wonderful, Ayala! I hope my words help your friend. xo