In the last few months, I’ve thought about the two words, “show up,” and what these words mean. So much hinges on showing up and yet, sometimes it almost seems like the most difficult thing to do. It’s hard to show up – consistently. I think about the ways I haven’t given it my all – skirting my writing practice, letting my reading fall behind, failing to eat well and skimping on exercise. It’s easier to say, tomorrow, but how many next days are we allotted to institute a sustainable change?
It is easy to give in. Why exercise when the pounds aren’t melting off? Why write when no one comments? Why show up when we don’t see results? I’ve found, it is here, when it is particularly important to follow through. When I stop showing up, irritation mounts and impacts other areas of my life. My focus in my twenties and early thirties focused on tangible results. If I studied, I achieved good grades. If I worked hard at my job, I secured a promotion or bonus. If I dedicated myself to a project, I anticipated success. In midlife, the linear lifelines of my younger self aren’t as neat or defined clearly. There are lines, but some of them smudge and blur as I navigate the uncertain spaces.
What does showing up look like in my life?
Showing up means writing when there isn’t anyone reading or commenting or in the midst of several rejections. When the blank page is a menace, it is the precisely time to ink out a few words. My creative writing professor told me years ago, if you write everyday, you are a writer. And this advice is significant especially when you see yourself as an impostor in your writing life. When the words are stuck or are in limbo, it is the optimal time to keep pushing.
Showing up means exercising even when you aren’t realizing your goals. I’ve laced up my shoes many times in the last few weeks, heading to the gym or running before the heat is too unbearable. It doesn’t always feel great to anticipate exercising, but I am always grateful I’ve reserved some time to move my muscles and feel the rise of my pulse. The mental clarity that arrives from exercising is invaluable.
Showing up means chauffeuring my daughter to summer camps, even when it’s the last thing I want to do. It’s her summer and her time to enjoy and experience various interests and activities. Driving my daughter around town isn’t on the top of my mom list, but I realize its importance. Showing up means doing those things for your children without complaining about them.
Showing up means checking in with your spouse, greeting him or her after a long day and making it about the other person, instead of yourself. It isn’t unimportant, especially if you’ve spent several years in a relationship. It is the little things that keep a marriage and any relationship an enduring one.
Showing up means picking up the phone (not texting or emailing) and talking with a friend. I was reminded of this just recently, when a good friend said, “Ru, does anyone talk on the phone anymore? I needed someone a few months ago and wanted to talk.” Showing up is especially important in friendships – check-in with your friends. Parties and celebrations are a hallmark of a fun friendship, but it’s the showing up in the ordinary times that sustain a balanced relationship.
Showing up means letting go on all the things that aren’t quite right. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves, for what we haven’t accomplished or haven’t said or haven’t contemplated, but, remember, that’s all of us. Showing up means learning to not only be gentle with others, but ourselves too.
I leave you with a confession. I didn’t want to show up in this space today. Call it resistance, summer or lack of motivation – I showed up anyway. And maybe it doesn’t matter to you, but for me, it’s everything.
Image: A twankly mess, Somewhere deep in the Sierras, Ca by ™ Pacheco via Flickr.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Thanks for showing up with these reminders of what truly matters in our lives.
Thank you for listening. xo
Glad you showed up, Ru. 😉
xo to you, my friend.
I first heard the term and fell in love with it during my sister’s bachelorette party. She thanked us for “showing up” but she didn’t mean attending the party. She meant being there in general. For me, I was struggling daily with anxiety but wanted to be a supportive matron of honor.
I see it now in so many walks of life.
It means putting yourself out there, fully, even if all of the full parts of you aren’t feeling it.
This is so true and such a blessing of a reminder. We show up and we show up for the practice, for the discipline, for the routine….we practice and all will come…whatever ” all” is.
Well said, Barbara. Showing up is also a meditation and a practice. Thanks for this insight.
I love that your sister used “show up” at her bachelorette party. And I am glad to hear you embraced it, despite feeling your own anxiety. Thanks for sharing this personal moment with us, Tamara. xo
What a beautiful reminder. I so appreciate this, especially today.
I do show up at your space and Lindsey’s space everyday to see whether is there a new post? However, I do not comment every time but I so enjoy and resonate my self with your thoughts.
Thank you Rudri!
Aww, thanks, Vani. I appreciate your readership and letting me know that my pieces resonate with you. xo
Great reminders here, Rudri. And I so identify with the difficulty in showing up to write when the words are stuck, the ideas aren’t flowing, and it feels like people aren’t always reading. But I always feel better for having put words on the page. I hope this piece did the same for you.
I think it’s important to know that when we are stuck, it eventually passes. It’s just getting there that is daunting sometimes. Thanks for your supportive words. xo
Thank you for this reminder. There are days the last thing I want to do is show up at events I’m expected to attend. Sometimes, I make excuses and other times I show up anyway. Know what? I’m always glad I did. Showing up is important in any relationship. There are other times (for my own self-validation) it’s important as well, and those are the ones I need to work on.
I’m glad to hear showing up has yielded such positive results. I think it’s anticipating the showing up that is often the battle.
Rudri, you really spoke to me about showing up. It really does matter and I’m glad I got to read this. I write but have not showed up in a while. I look forward to getting back into the blank pages and putting some words on them. Also I have a friend I have been planning to call and now is the best time to do so. Thanks for inspiring me to show up.
Cindy,
Thanks for letting me know how you intend to show up. Your words made my day. Thank you. xo
Glad you show up. xo
Thanks, Ayala. xo
I’m glad you showed up too, Rudri, and that I did as well, to read these words. You’ve nailed the thing that I have been struggling with for some time now. You’re right, we had more tangible goals as well as results back in our 20s and 30s; my 40s have been difficult. Some combination of uncertainty, mild anxiety and depression has also forced me to change my definition of what it means to show up. But I am pushing myself to do it more and more, beginning with exercise and self-care. Ironic, isn’t it, that in the past showing up meant speaking in front of 200 people or rolling up my sleeves at my company, and now showing up means going back to the very basics of being there for myself so that I can be there for others. Once again, I am grateful for your words and the timing at which you wrote them.
I’m so grateful for your words, Cecilia. Yes to all those things you mentioned – exercise and self-care – these are key places to show up. I think so many other things fall into place when we direct our attention to these important areas. xo