“Stories are compasses and architecture, we navigate by them, we build our sanctuaries and our prisons out of them, and to be without a story is to be lost in the vastness of a world that spreads in all directions like arctic tundra or sea ice.”
― Rebecca Solnit
I have a confession to make. Although I am fascinated by the topography of maps, the vastness of the world and how much our destinies are decided by place, I lack directional sense. In new and old surroundings (before the instructional navigation on our phones), I printed out directions and checked addresses a few times, but still failed to find the destination without some external help. Some things have changed – I rely heavily on my friend Siri to direct me to new places and am able to quickly arrive at a physical destination – but various periods in my life demonstrate how much my internal compass leans into feeling uncertain and lost – although it might appear differently to the outsider.
Landing in the middle of mourning my father’s passing six years ago created such a struggle I didn’t know where my sadness might seek refuge. After a few months, I decided to let my story unravel on the blank page – not only to memorialize my emotions, but to seek a compass to help cope with the loss of my father.
Today I mark 6 years of writing in this space.
I’ve found so much solace here. I try to honor my truest emotions and some days it is difficult to walk the terrain of vulnerability, but because of this shaky ground, I inch closer to difficult and comforting truths. This blog reminds me to pay attention, to look up and around and to appreciate the vastness of the world I cannot understand. It is a cradle where I choose to rest my head, with the hope that as I honor my stories, I might find direction or purpose and lessen the punch of what I cannot control or what feels wholly uncertain.
I don’t always know where to direct my gaze as I sit down week after week trying to pour parts of my heart on the page, but some days this doesn’t matter. The comfort of routine is sometimes the best companion. The rays of sunlight say hello as I power push the silver button of my computer. I take a breath and look outside at the bright blue sky, the cacti reaching for the sky as the mountains form a scenic backdrop. I sip the warmth of my coffee and take another breath. Sitting down at my desk, I begin. And with every word, I recognize the privilege of being in this moment, alive and able to have the ability to not only think, but to share my thoughts on the page. I understand how this could change in an instant.
The recognition of honoring the pendulum between sorrow and happiness is what I seek to remember everyday in my life. I believe both are worthy of my attention. Sinking into the joy, I find gratitude in sunsets, the laughter of my daughter and the gift of living this ordinary life. It also means recognizing the sadness of all it – knowing one feeling is never permanent – there is an inherent transience in all our emotions.
I am here now. Writing in this space teaches me to appreciate this extraordinary privilege.
Thank you to everyone who chooses to listen to my stories. My sincere gratitude.
Image: Compass by Walt Stonebruner via Flickr
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing your heart. I love your space and I cherish our friendship. xoxo
I appreciate your support and am grateful we’ve intersected. Thank you, friend. xo
Hugs to you, my friend!
Thanks, Windy. Beyond grateful for your friendship, writing expertise and support. xo
Happy six years! The reason you cite for coming back to this place resonate with me, every single one. I’m so grateful to have found you and your work. xox
Thank you so much, Lindsey. Appreciate your kind words and sentiment. xo
It’s funny because I was just thinking about your blog – because so many bloggers are stopping and I thought.. “I couldn’t stop. I’d explode without this privilege. I bet Rudri feels that way.”
And that’s the exact word you used.
Thinking of you a lot. Six years. It’s so heavy, with every year. Every day.
Aww, Tamara. This comment made me smile. Yes, I do believe it is a privilege and honor to write in this space. I know so many bloggers are ceasing to write for various reasons, but I love returning to this place because its home. xo
Happy Anniversary Rudri. I came your space recently through Lindsey’s blog and since then I am hooked. I love your honesty and vulnerability. Keep blogging and blessed be
Thanks, Vani. I appreciate your kind words. xo
Namaste to an honorable soul.
Aww, love this. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. xo
I’m so happy to have run across you! Your words have often offered me comfort or made me think. Thank you for that. We started blogging around the same time; it will be six years for me in five days.
Likewise, Susan. Happy Early Blogoversary! Grateful that our paths have intersected. xo
Happy, happy anniversary! The thoughts and stories your share always resonate, always touch a chord, always inspire. I’m so glad to have found you.
Thank you for your kind words. It means so much. xo
Wow!! six years is so major! HUGE congrats on that and all the other current excitement!