In January, I chose quiet as my word of the year.
At the current moment, thoughts swirl in my head and despite my intentions, the words stay behind the dam. I detest the feeling of having so much to say, but when I try to write, nothing appears worthy enough to pour onto the page. Some call this writer’s block; for me, it means not enough quiet time. In the last few weeks, I’ve fallen into a slipstream of surrounding myself with too much noise.
The distractions sprout from my choices – lingering a little longer on the Internet instead of carving out a space for meditation, choosing to take on paid freelance articles which leaves little time for my manuscript, saying yes to social activities that are unfulfilling personally and expending too much energy on situations and people beyond my reach. The culmination of these wrong choices leads to a general irritation with the pulse of anxiety gaining momentum when night falls. A forced quiet pushes me to confront where and how I spent my hours during the day. I realize nothing is stopping me from saying no to these distractions, but I continue hurling toward the same behavior like a ball rolling down a hill.
In writing this post, an epiphany materialized. Quiet is a choice too.
The benefit of putting quiet as priority number one, at least for me, isn’t always instantaneous. I need a few days to sink into the solitude, bathe in my own breath and make time for what matters to me. This requires a particular consistency I haven’t managed to completely adopt in my life. Sometimes I know a particular interaction or situation will lead to unrest, but I participate anyway. Is it peer pressure, familiarity or the inability to say no? I am still trying to figure out what motivates my behavior and suspect sometimes it is a need to be a part of something. But you realize inclusion doesn’t necessarily equate to fulfillment.
I hope in the next 6 months to embrace the word, “No.” I am a firm believer that saying yes to one thing, means saying no to something else. The key is determining whether my yes trumps what I am choosing to decline. Saying “no” isn’t always the comfortable or easy choice, but continuing to lose my footing in my personal slipstream creates a resentment I am unwilling to ignore.What bothers me about this path is I am ignoring the heartbeat of my life. Why am I fighting the current? I hurt only my personal well-being and mind. The words of Norman Juster come to mind, yet again:
“Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven’t the answer to a question you’ve been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you’re alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.”
Carving a pathway to listen to the quiet requires proper preparation. It is up to me to make that choice.
Image: A Quiet Place by jimmy brown via Flickr
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Beautiful and insightful post and really resonated with me. Thank you.
Thanks, Christie. So grateful these words resonated with you.
Saying no isn’t always easy, but it is certainly freeing. It is one of the best things I’ve ever learned to do for myself. I admit I still struggle with it and say yes at times when I don’t want to, but if I reach deep within I find the strength to say no. In fact someone asked something of me on Monday and I said no. They even tried to make me feel guilty about it, but I knew that saying yes would shatter my inner peace. I realized their insistence on a yes for me was solely for their benefit, not mine. I’m still glad I said no, even if it irritated them. It’s difficult to stay strong and look out for our own well being.
I love your example, Susan. Saying no is sometimes hard, but committing to yes every single time threatens to invade personal well-being. Next time I find it difficult to say no, I will definitely lean on your words. xo
Very thoughtful, Rudri! I’m working on saying no too, and it isn’t easy. I’ll support you!
It helps to know I am not alone. xo
Oh I needed to hear this today. I’m struggling to figure out what is at the root of my insomnia these days and wondering if I need to be proactive about quiet. I’ve said no to a lot of things, but I think the real challenge now is for me to put a fence around work which has really bled into the evenings and weekends of my life.
I love the word “no” and I wish I was better about saying it.
I love this midyear reflection and I also can’t believe that half the year is gone!
My word of the year is “practice” and I think it’s been going ok.. could be better, could be far worse.
Staying quiet and saying no…honoring yourself and your choices is so important. Thanks for the reminder.
I say no to many things…it’s not easy but my family comes first and then I need my quiet time which I never get enough of.
We live in a culture that values busyness. Taking a vacation or time off is often seen as a sign of laziness or lack of discipline. I constantly feel guilty when I decide to take some time to just veg out or meditate. It’s too bad, our bodies and minds desperately need that down time. I, too, struggle to shut off the TV or get off the internet to go take a walk or sit in a quiet space to think. Like you, I know better, but I have a hard time powering down. Sometimes I just avoid meditating on my current situation for fear of it making me feel sad and discouraged. But again it needs to be done.
I struggle with saying “no.” I always feel guilty afterwards, as if I were doing something wrong. But it’s NOT wrong. Amy Poehler wrote that we should let “no” be the complete answer. No apologies, no explanations, just “no.”