“If I contradict myself, I contradict myself. I contain multitudes.” —–Walt Whitman
“It’s either black and white. No question.” I resolved myself to this philosophy in my twenties. Adopting this view narrowed my thinking. As I learned and discovered new qualities about myself, I found that interests, opinions, and pursuits are not always like a straight line. There are bumps, curves, and edges that may arise. In short, there is so much grey. I have appointed this grey as a place where contradictions live. This is a more comfortable place, one that is forgiving and allows for many versions of self.
Sometimes my own contradictions surprise me, but I’ve learned that embracing two opposites also pushes me to be more present. Instead of fighting or wondering why conflicting points of view exist, I’ve learned to accept rather than analyze. My contradictions? There are so many.
I long for solitude, but feel content in a large arena surrounded by fellow concert goers listening to music at the highest decibel possible.
I love Mary Oliver poetry and also enjoy flipping through the pages of US Weekly and People.
I am connected to technology but refuse to let go of my paper calendar.
I sleep with two blankets at night with the air-conditioner on full blast.
I love keeping things organized but at least once a week my closet floor is a mess, littered with clothes, towels, and books.
I enjoy attending author signings and presentations, but will also curl on my sofa on Sundays and watch football.
I run and workout, but will also enjoy a can of soda or Sourpatch kids.
These contradictions lend to interesting paradoxes. In my twenties, I think some of my more serious diametric opposites might have led to place of confusion and strife, but now, it strums like a place of acceptance.
What are some of your contradictions?
IMAGE: CONTRADICTIONS BY MARCIN WICHARY VIA FLICKR UNDER A CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Life is filled with contradictions. While there are so many black and white issues for some of us they’re still grey to many others. I’ve found that by not being so rigid in my beliefs I’m able to glimpse the beauty of the grey.
For me, embracing the grey has helped in trying to deal with uncertainty and refuting the notion that we must always be committed to one ideal or thing. The seasons change in our own lives and our navigation of what comes in our path must have some flexibility. In that vein, I think contradictions serve an important purpose.
I love these contradictions. (I wrote a few years ago about my own, about the way they seem to confuse people at times, but as you point out so beautifully… we are ALL full of contradictions.)
No football for me, please, but I do love my Real Housewives (certain cities), which seems to conflict with loving Dostoevsky or Henry Miller. I love the bustling atmosphere of cities and cafés, but I thrive on being alone in the quiet. You know I adore my heels, but you’re as likely to see me in jeans and barefoot. (Shhh… don’t tell anyone that last.)
I am super organized and have great planning abilities but sometimes like to do things at the spur of the moment. I’m the same, I love technology but love writing things down in a planner – Elementary school here embedded that affinity for a nice planner. 🙂 Happy Hump Day Rudri! -Iva
I love this, Rudri! I have never thought about this deeply but in those passing moments when I notice a contradiction I guess I do feel a bit of discomfort, as if I believe I should be one or the other. But I have so many contradictions: I watch my vegetable/fruit/meat servings but will easily give in to my (late night) Dorito and (any time) chocolate cravings. I desperately need alone time at the same time that I love a good party with friends. But maybe the hardest one for me is related to parenting: I have struggled my entire motherhood with how to be a good and present mother and how to fulfill my own very introverted needs.
I love learning about other people’s contradictions because it offers a view we don’t ordinarily know or see. These opposites have the most potential to reveal. Thanks for sharing some of yours.
I wrote a comment but I’m not sure it went through…anyway, I was saying that I just love this post, Rudri. I had never thought about it but I realize that in the moments when I notice contradictions in myself I do feel a bit uncomfortable…I feel it especially when reading – guilty if I just want to read something non-literary or even a bit trashy. But the area in which I’ve struggled the most is parenting: I continue to struggle with being a good and present mother and fulfilling my own introverted needs to be alone. Your post makes me realize that I can feel all of these things and still be fine. Thank you for writing this.
Contradictions make life interesting 🙂 I enjoyed reading yours….I have to think more about mine 🙂