On these last days of 2013, little reflections stumbled onto my pathway. Yesterday I held a newborn baby and although a clamor of noise surrounded us, I watched as he slept. In those few minutes, I smiled and felt the goodness of fresh starts. This morning my daughter greeted me with those very familiar words, “I love you, Momma. And you know what? I love you as big as the sky. The sky is endless, Momma.” Those words offered instant joy and I felt the goodness of love. My mom is in town and today for lunch she cooked a homemade Indian meal. The smell of paratha filled the crevices of our house as the dal simmered on the stove. As soon as I ate one bite it felt like coming home again. The goodness of a meal made by mom is something that is not replicable anyplace else.
None of these pebbles that intersected on my path were extraordinary. They were just random moments where I really sank into the present and absorbed the totality of what it could offer. These brief specks of glitter pushed me to reflect on this past year. I juxtaposed instances where I felt disappointed, sad, confused, angry, and frustrated with various parts of my life. I failed to react well to certain situations. I contemplated too much about what others thought of me. There were instances I stared at the mirror, or paused in the middle of a run, or whispered in quiet moments, the words, “I don’t think I am enough.” Although I acknowledged that these feelings were transient and temporary, I dismissed the many good moments that I experienced in and around these flickers of self-defeat.
What I have learned is that none of us have the perfect life. It may appear that way on Facebook or in a photograph, but we are all climbing over something. We are tripping, falling, crying, worrying and getting up again. In between this imperfect life, though, there are specks of glitter. They usually won’t happen when we are expecting them. Most of the time they occur in our everyday life. There is a catch. You have to pay attention. If you are willing to wake up and really listen to the goodness of the world and your personal world. Most of the time you do not have to extend your arms. These moments will land in your lap.
So in my last post of 2013, I want to focus on the word, endless. I’ve felt endless love, hope, encouragement, and faith from my family, my friends and my readers.
Thank you and Happy New Year. May the word endless mean something in your lives too.
IMAGE: HOURGLASS 4 BY GRAYMALKN VIA FLICKR UNDER A CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
This is beautiful Rudri and I agree that endless is a marvelous word to capture in the New Year. We are definitely blind-sighted during those moments of doubt but thankfully they’re temporary and without those moments we wouldn’t be humble – as aggravating as those self-doubtful moments are they’re necessary for reflection. Hope you and your family have a wonderful New Year! -Iva
Happy New Year, Rudri! xoxo
Beautiful…perfect way to start 2014.
I can relate, Rudri. In 2014 I want to be more conscious of noticing and appreciating all that is good and that has gone well, instead of honing in on what didn’t measure up. I agree that the good is all around us if we just opened our eyes a little bit more. I’m looking forward to reading more of your journey in the coming year!