“The search is the meaning, the search for beauty, love, kindness and restoration in this difficult, wired and often alien modern world. The miracle is that we are here, that no matter how undone we’ve been the night before, we wake up every morning and are still here. It is phenomenal just to be.” — Anne Lamott, Stitches
My habit is to gravitate and linger in sadness. I often pay attention to what is broken. In the last few weeks, in very odd moments, I’ve blurted out, “I just miss my Dad.” This is a part of my perpetual record. Perhaps my recent visit to Dallas triggered a need to hear his voice. I know this feeling of missing him is not one that will every go away.
But it isn’t just missing my father that occupies my days. It is also what is missing in other parts of my life. The two words, “not enough,” raise their hands in unison. Reaching high in the sky, I survey the landscape of my life and ask, “Why is it not enough?” The secret is earth-shattering. Much of my life is filled with so much that is enough. The ability to be here. To write. To drink coffee. To hug my daughter. To call my mother. To hold my husband’s hand. To laugh with my sister. I surveyed my weekend this morning. And I recounted so many moments that I enjoyed, despite the brokeness in the world.
We celebrated my husband’s birthday all week (not because he love birthdays, but because I do). We capped off his birthday by going to dinner and when we returned our babysitter and daughter baked him a birthday cake surprise. Other moments centered around a quick trip to the bookstore, wrapping presents, and an early morning run on Sunday. The three of us snuggled in bed and read books and by taking an afternoon nap. During the weekend, there were visits to not one, but three newborn babies in our world. Breathing in the air of a newborn’s space, automatically reminds you of the joy in just being, one breath at a time. The day ended with my daughter and husband doing yoga.
As I perused pictures this morning and read Lamott’s quote, this picture of my daughter jumping on the beach magnifies the rejoicing we all should participate in everyday. Just to be. It is phenomenal.