In the middle of things. That is when those epiphanies slap me in the face.
Yesterday morning, I intersected with a conversation in a hospital waiting room. An older woman, in a bright yellow jacket sat near the coffee machine. I remember her face after listening to her words.
The nurse came in to tell her news about her husband in the operating room. I wondered why she chose to deliver the news in such a public way and I caught phrases like “not doing well, we don’t know what the surgeon will see, and we wanted to give you some kind of update so you did not have to sit alone, wondering what was going on.” After delivering this news, the nurse asked her if she was doing ok. The older lady muttered yes and then an avalanche of emotions poured out.
In a loud and distraught voice, she announced, “I can’t do this. We’ve been married 40 years. I cannot and will not live without him.” Her words pushed me to get out of my chair and glance at her face. I offered a sympathetic look, but I know my gaze would not provide any comfort. I saw perfect and defined tears stream down her cheeks. I don’t know the details of her life, but in that moment, her emotions caught me by surprise.
I’ve always believed in listening to the whispers of the world. There are those moments that you aren’t quite certain why you are meant to listen to specific words or witness particular events, but there is that gnawing feeling that somehow it is supposed to add some substance to your life.
For the remainder of the day, I could not shake her words. It’s like that. In an instant. Everything we know changes. We forget because that is the way we can move forward with our routines. Somehow, thought, I think I forget too much. Every single minute is precious. This is not a cliché, but a truth that I sometimes ignore.
There are 525, 949 minutes in one year. As this year comes to an end, I think about the moments that I wasted on inconsequential trivialities. Ruminating on conflicts or getting angry about a miniscule matter. Or caring too much about the wrong something. Minutes wasted on paying attention about holding on to things that needed to be let go. Much of this life is about grabbing the right moments and letting some fade away.
Every minute should revolve around one question: Does this really matter?
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
In tears. WOW
I think I am blessed because people always open up to me and share their life with me. I take it in and I feel deeply. Yet as I feel the pain I tell myself that it’s a privilege. The last few months have been hard with many of these moments. Your words are beautiful and a great reminder.
So so true. I strive everyday to find something fabulous to appreciate. Some days are tough. Happy Sharefest
Much of this life is about grabbing the right moments and letting some fade away.-how true that is, Rudri.
You’ve said it all. What are we spending our 525, 949 minutes on each year? Will we be pleased at the answer at the end of the year or wish we’d done it differently? Hoping everyone spends their 525, 949 minutes in 2014 on the things that truly matter.
I needed this today.
In tears, too! Second time today…I think the minutes are getting to me. I ask myself the question regularly – Does this really matter? It is amazing how often it doesn’t.
I am really trying to learn perspective. Seeing a scene like you saw between the nurse and the woman waiting for news of her husband really does make one stop and think about what is important in life -about what really matters!
I love this, Rudri. This really speaks to me, especially reading this right now. My elderly and very frail father-in-law very recently underwent surgery and we honestly didn’t know if he would make it out alive or not…he did, and now he is being moved temporarily to a nursing home to recover. Over the weekend my mother-in-law said to my husband almost the same words that you overheard in the hospital. They’d been together over 50 years. It’s a future I know we’ll all face and at that point, will we even remember the small, petty things?
Yesterday too I got very irritated over a small thing my husband did. Somehow this time I had the wisdom to snap out of it and to let it go, rather than sulk and allow it to ruin our evening (something I would’ve easily done even just 2 weeks ago).
Thanks for writing about this, Rudri. I too would like to make the best of the last 40 days of 2013.