Over the weekend, I attended a birthday party for a friend. The evening began like most do. People chatting about their everyday lives. They talked about how work is so busy or the kids homework is too much or that life, well, is just exhausting some days. These are natural conversations that happen in so many crevices and corners in living rooms, restaurants, and in the car. So much of what we talk about revolves around what ails us or our grievances about what is not going right about our life.
We tend to wait on talking about goodness. I reflected on this thought in particular because at the end of the evening, we were asked to reveal what the birthday person meant to us. We all stood in a circle and each person said something uplifting. Some of what was said was funny, kind, sentimental, and warm. The texture of listening to these affirming thoughts felt as if we were doing something revolutionary.
In a way, it was. I could not help but think, Why do we wait? Why do we wait to tell the people that we love what they really mean to us? Why do we need an event or birthday or some life circumstance that brings us to our knees to announce how much someone means to us? I do not know why we wait. Is it because we feel so vulnerable by doing so? Or do we think others would not take us seriously? But most of us seek that affirmation. We all need it. Oprah Winfrey has said that “every single person shares this common desire. They want to know: Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?” There is an abundance of truth in those words because most of the time I am berating myself for not being enough or complaining that someone in my life is not enough.
Ask yourself this question: When is the last time you told a family member or friend what they mean to you or add to your life?
Tell them. Do not wait.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Just beautiful, Rudri. Amen to it all.
Truly GREAT post!
You are indeed correct – people usually start of with their “lamentations”, and very often leave the positive stuff – the good stuff out or “wait” for an occasion to say it.
I have no idea why we wait – but life is short and sometimes, waiting to say the nice things, the right things, ends up leaving us with regret over what should have been said.
My dad used to have reprimand my sis and I to “say something nice or don’t say anything at all”, while I used to think this would lead to a lot of pent up frustration, I have found it to be quite the opposite – in focusing on the good and saying it – we forget the bad.
So important to take the time and express how we feel towards the people in our life. We want to be seen and heard and loved. Nice post.
We do indeed wait… far too long and for far too much, for some “better self” or better days or better time.
Carpe diem.
I try to remember this! 🙂
Great post! Thank you for sharing this! I often reflect on this after funerals, actually. Their lives and hearing stories of how much they touched others really inspires me let the people in my life know I care! Thanks for the encouragement! (Came by from SITS!)
So very true!!
I was thinking about this very thing yesterday morning. I have such a supportive and loving boyfriend. Yesterday, I did do something out of the ordinary — I surprised him with a card and a cake just to say I appreciated and loved him. He was very grateful and happy that I acknowledged what he puts into the relationship. Thanks for this post!
(By the way, I found your blog through the SITSSharefest!)
Lovely! I always try to tell my family and friends specifically what they mean to me and how special they are.
Excellent point, Rudri. I’ve noticed that we are always at our most considerate when we’re distant, when there’s perhaps some risk of loss. I’m just thinking of something a friend and I went through – nothing really, but I was irritated at something (my friend tends to get a little controlling), and with the fatigue of our summer travels I ended up distancing myself from her a bit until I regained the energy I needed to open myself up again to friendship. Maybe she sensed something was wrong, because she made the effort to be more thoughtful. As soon as things went back to normal, she went back to her old ways.
This is slightly off the topic you are talking about, but I guess what I’m saying is that when we have someone right there and when we are complacent, it really becomes easy to not make the effort – to be more considerate, to more appreciative, etc.
I do once in a while like to tell people what they mean to me. A big part is personality/temperament, and I can see some people who may have the feelings but never feel comfortable enough to express them.
Wonderful post!
So true! I wish we would all focus on the positive instead of the negative so often!
What a beautiful reminder. Just recently, I was out with a friend. She knows what I’m going through and took me out to run errands and have lunch. As we pulled into our driveway, I told her how much the morning meant to me and how much I valued her as a friend. She is truly a beautiful person, inside and out. She got really uncomfortable and then stammered, “I’ve never had a friend tell me that before.” I hugged her, with tears in my eye,s because I found that so hard to believe. In that moment, I realized I don’t tell people nearly as often as I should what they mean to me.
I hope I’ve shared with you, dear Rudri, how much your kind words have meant to me over the blogosphere. You are a dear, sweet soul and I’m so glad we’ve “met.”