I’ve described my constant battle of restlessness. My tendency is to keep moving and conjure tasks that require immediate attention. As much as I hate to confess this, my mind and body rarely feel the envelope of true stillness. A large part of my problem is my constant need to check my iPhone or to depend on some form of technology, whether it is the computer, television, or radio. Silence is something I crave, but I take no efforts in really carving that path for myself. What I do realize that this need to be dependent on technology is interfering with my need to achieve a more still and noise-free life. Somehow there needs to be balance between the happiness that I derive from technology and the negative aspects of it.
Why the compelling need to rely on the virtual or technological world? I think the answer is complex. Part of it is this desire to remain connected to my family and friends. I enjoy the barrage of text messages from my friends or the occasional text message from my mom. I do believe that technology does contribute to my overall sense of happiness. The other more complicated side is that it also inhibits me from fully paying attention. I know that a key ingredient in being present is to fully immerse yourself in the moment as it is happening. You are unable to succeed in achieving this kind of stillness if you are constantly on your phone or listening to the radio or turning channels on the television.
In the last few weeks, I’ve asked myself, “Am I afraid of silence?” I am not certain of the answer. There are parts of me that love solitude – reading a book, dining in a restaurant alone, or sitting on a chair admiring the sunset. What I’ve noticed is the way I practice solitude is not pure because most of the time my phone is very close by. It is true that I could prevent myself from reaching down and grabbing my phone, but honestly, I don’t possess that kind of self-discipline.
Relying on the virtual and technological world is preventing me from ever really achieving a meditative state. It is hindering me from enjoying moments with my daughter and husband, as well obtaining a sense of true relaxation or stillness. Here is where I need your advice. Do you find yourself being caught in the spiral of technology ? Any advice on how to divorce yourself from your phone and constant noise? Do you see a connection between unplugging, stillness and a more meditative state?
Image by katielips via flickr creative commons
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Interestingly, I listen to meditation podcasts on my iPhone…it helps!
But I can very much relate to all that you wrote. I go through phases, but more often than not I’m checking my phone, and I especially hate doing that in front of my son. I do it even when I know there can’t possibly be a new email or Facebook update. I think I do it more when I’m feeling a bit lonely or isolated, or anxious. I always think of checking my phone as a water cooler trip. I work from home, with only my husband, so I am constantly clicking over to the water cooler, and a lot of the time no one else is around.
I don’t do this so much if I am out and about, and with company. So maybe it’s a product of our isolated lives? People used to visit, call, work side by side in cubicles or live a few minutes apart. We have so much time alone now.
But we have some rules. Like no phone checking at the dinner table. Sometimes I’ll leave my phone in a different room. I make sure I have books to read.
I don’t think I have good solutions, but you’re definitely not alone!
Personally, I’ve always been fine with my own company. I married later; I was used to it.
With the years of children and raising them largely alone, moments of silence were rare. As odd as Empty Nest is at times, I adore the external silence in part because the inner conversation is often unrelenting. I would happily disconnect for extended periods if I could – but I make my living connected – so it’s out of the question.
I think your questions are important ones. I think some of us are more at ease with our own inner dialog, our ultimate isolation, and others seek to fill what they perceive as a vacuum. I believe it’s more complicated than that – a matter of nature, nurture, and more – but we would all benefit from the occasional disconnect, and I fear it’s only going to get harder to achieve.
So true!!! Our cable tv was broken all day yesterday when the kids were home from school and we are waiting on the cable guy to come out right now to fix it. I have had very mixed feelings….. sad because I REALLY love to watch TV and a show I have been waiting for premiered last night….. and then a strange sort of enjoyment. The house was quieter, the kids actually played with their toys and this morning before school we even went out into the backyard and enjoyed the beautiful morning!! I am going to have to start just turning it off sometimes.
I enjoy solitude, but I do check my phone, computer, etc…Yes, I like being plugged in as well. Now when we go to the mountains, our cell phones don’t won’t and we don’t have internet connection. It makes me uneasy about no contact with family, but not being plugged in makes the scenery so much more relaxing.
With the girls in school now, it is SO hard for me to face my empty, silent house. I am struggling. Lyle Lovett is getting me through.
This post really resonates with me as I sit here on my iPad reading your blog and checking my email with my phone sitting next to me since I’m on call. I am constantly checking my email or surfing the net or texting if I have a free minute. It’s like my hands and mind need to stay busy or I wont know what to do with myself. I have no great advice on how to unplug.
I spend way too much time on my laptop. But I refuse to get a smartphone. Knowing how I am, I know that I would just waste more time away from home. I don’t want to be sitting at my son’s game and checking email. And I don’t think I could control myself enough to not do it. So I just won’t get the distraction in the first place.
Also, I sometimes check out with my family and go for a drive in the mountains. At a certain point, I lose cell phone service anyway. Then I find a nice place to take a stroll or dip my toes in the creek or sit in a meadow. And I just sit for a while. Sometimes I write. Other times I just practice being still. This doesn’t work in the winter, but it’s sure nice other times of the year.
Also, going to the temple is a place of stillness for me. I am Mormon. When we go inside the temple we leave the world behind. My cell phone is turned off and left in the locker where I changed my clothes. While we do spiritual work in the temple, there are also many places for quiet contemplation and communication with divinity. And even though there are others there, people don’t bother you. We all know it’s a place of meditation and a gentle smile or soft hello are the most you’re probably going to get.
It’s so important to find times and places to disconnect. Sometimes I just do it in my own room. With or without music. Turn off the phone. Ignore the door. No computer. Just practicing stillness. “Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalms 46:10. One of my favorite scriptures.
Best wishes on your search for peace. Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a great weekend.
I have tried really hard to unplug…it is NOT easy!!!