July 9th marked my daughter’s half-birthday. She is officially five and a half years old. In another month she will start kindergarten. And in my core I hear my insides churning, saying “slow down.”
In the last few month as I interact with her, a wave of love overcomes me. But in the very same instant my heart is filled with sadness. I sense time becoming its own character in our lives. As we walked yesterday in the store, she grabbed for my hand and said, “Momma, I want to hold your hand.” I asked her, without thinking about her response, “Will you always hold my hand?” She smiled at me, wide, with five teeth missing, and said, “Momma, I will hold your hand forever.” The familiar refrain plays in my head again, saying in a clear voice, “slow down.”
Almost ten to fifteen times a day, she will say to me, “Momma, I love you.” It doesn’t matter where we are. In the middle of my bedroom, a crowded line at the grocery store, or in her sleep, she repeats those words like a personal mantra. I wonder when she will lose the ability to say I love you with freedom and innocence.
She runs with the same abandon. Frequently she will say to me “Watch this Momma,” and run fast down the hallway and expect me to scoop her up and twirl her around. This past week my arms felt a little tired, the weight of her growing four feet body is not as easy to catch. As soon as I place her back down on the ground, I say to myself, “slow down.”
Everyday we are moving toward her adulthood, the metronome of life swinging to its own rhythm. It is going too fast. And all I can do is, slow down, stop and appreciate where she is now, and not dread navigating what comes later.
Do you want time to slow down ? What will be the things that you will miss when your children are grown?