The gym is a place where there is ample opportunity to people watch. Everyone is flittering about, challenging themselves in the name of fitness. A woman is singing while walking on an incline on the treadmill, a man is dribbling a basketball on the court and little kids take advantage of the summer time by swimming. I’m at the gym because I love taking classes that are offered. This particular morning I am waking up to barbell strength, a free weight strength class.
It’s early and people are entering and you start to see the morning coffee take effect. I set up my bench and grab my barbell and its accompanying weights. A quiet chatter takes over the room, people talking about their daily plans or what happened the evening before. There are about 40 women in the class and all are different sizes and shapes. Some women are wearing makeup, eyeshadow and even a tinge of lipstick. Others look as if they put on an old college shirt and shorts with no time to spare. A few women are in their Lulu gear, with hair, body, and face pageant ready. But despite all the variety in the crowd, everyone is there for a common goal, to move, to exercise, to lose weight, or to tone. The point is, its early, and people chose to do this, rather than sleep in, eat breakfast, or surf the internet.
I place my bench behind two women, one is subdued, her hair scrunched together like intertwined spaghetti. The other lady is plastic surgery skinny, with brunette hair, and on her pants, the word “Beautiful” appears. It appears that they are friends and the brunette is talking so that those in her vicinity can hear what she is saying. As she looks around, she says to her friend, “Look at all the chubbies in the room. Ch-u-bb-ies.” I observe her giggle, while her friend half-smiles, but her eyes don’t really match the sentiment on her face. Her friend isn’t skinny, but leans toward the heavier side.
Her comment lingered in my mind throughout the class. I wondered about her friend and how much she took the comment to heart. It also raises the notion of words and how careful we must be with them. How some people can release their words without giving any thought to the emotions of those that surround them. Should we be accountable for our words? Can we dismiss them so quickly when they come from a stranger or acquaintance or a sometimes friend? And with the advent of technology, twitter, facebook, and other social media are we more careless with what we say?
As I exited the gym, Don Miguel Ruiz’s quote, “Always Be Impeccable With Your Words” flashed in my head. I believe there is much truth that exists in those six words.
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Have you ever encountered this kind of person? What was your impression? Do you think we are too careless with our words?
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
She sounds horribly mortifying! And very insecure actually. If she was happy with herself she would not be trying to distract her friend with others’ “imperfections.” This post actually made me want to get up early to workout….
I worked out a little harder during class too! I’m hoping everyone interpreted her comment as motivation and not to feel bad about themselves.
Oh, my. How timely is this comment! We were all standing around, half-watching our kids at a birthday party today. And one woman (pretty thin, almost pencil thin) is lamenting to another woman (pretty heavy, obviously overweight) about how she just can’t seem to lose those last three pounds. Three. Not thirty. But, three. To someone who probably struggles daily with the amount she needs to lose to be healthy. My poker face (or lack of poker face, I should say) forced me to turn on my heel and walk away. I wish I had thought of something to say. I’m still in shock at the insensitivity.
Wow. I thought the lady I observed was in a unique category of people, but this disease seems contagious. The bubble certain people live in is incredible.
It is a sensitive topic and I say that because I’ve been through both the chubby phase and the thinner phase. Too sensitive on the weight topic when I was chubby (oh its easy for you to say that cause you’re thin, what do you know) and would be perceived as insensitive when I got thinner (it did not come easy by any means) even though the intentions were purely noble. We are quick to judge people by a single comment and don’t give them the benefit of doubt.
Did this woman by calling them chubby was trying to insult them in any way or just used a term too casually and did not realize it?
Given her demeanor throughout class and her eye rolling toward other chubbier and skinnier people, I believe she wasn’t saying these things casually. She meant what she said. Although I agree that sometimes we are quick to judge people by a single comment, I truly do not believe that was the case in this instance. She wanted to feel superior by making someone else insecure.
At the same time, you raise an important point, that a single comment shouldn’t determine a person’s complete character. I appreciate you raising that point.
Ugh. Body issues rear their ugly heads. I seriously avoid the gym for this reason–I don’t want anyone gawking at me when I work out. Grrrr.
It does make you subconsious about working out when you hear comments like these. Everyone is a critic I guess.
People are often so callous with words, sometimes it’s innocent and other times that’s how they make themselves feel better at someone else’s expense. We must choose words carefully because we never know how they affect others.
Suzicate, words sometimes are everything. And I think people are unable to institute a filter for their words.
And what also comes to mind is this: Words hurt.
Exactly right BLW. If we only kept this mantra in our head, it would benefit all of us.
Words can have so much power. Directed or overheard.
People understimate the power of words. I wish that more people had a filter for the words they utter.
I hope the “chubby” one finds a new friend soon.
Hope she learns that her friend is not good for her ego. . .
I try not to judge, but in instances like this it’s sure hard. Chubbies? Geeeeesh! So rude. I sure hope she gets a glimpse of how hurtful her words are so she can make some changes.
That said, like someone said above, I *try* extending the benefit of the doubt. Like I hope that I receive when it’s me who makes the verbal faux pas.
Denise, my hope is that she learns (sooner than later) how callous and uncomfortable her words make others feel.
Here’s to hoping she doesn’t have a daughter.
Cheers to that one!
Some people are either oblivious or insensitive. I like ck’s comment. I feel the same way. Imagine the issues her daughter will have…
Agreed. It would be so much pressure to live up to that kind of expectation.