“Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting. ” —- Dr. Seuss
I know I’ve spent most of my life waiting for something. As a teenager, in May, I spent most of the day waiting for my report card to come in the mail. My fingers would separate the blinds and peek out to see if I could see the mailman down the street.
Waiting took other forms when I got older.
When I applied for law school, I remember asking my mom, “Has it come yet? Have you checked the mail?” Her response determined if I needed to wait longer. I was waiting for the acceptance or rejection letter from the school of my choice. That time was built in and around anxiety, stress and lots of nervous energy. It’s almost been 11 years since that day, but I remember my sweaty palms, the fidgeting of my fingers and my constant need to make the phone my companion. This type of “waiting” continued for at least three months until I finally received that minted acceptance letter.
I reflect on that experience now and realize I’ve engaged in this type of waiting all of my life. Waiting to get into college, waiting to get into law school, waiting to graduate, waiting to take the bar exam, waiting to get that first job out of law school. Waiting to get engaged, waiting to get married, waiting to get my first house, and waiting to have a baby. What I’ve realized now is that my life is probably a string of consistent series of waiting for something to happened. And what I’ve learned is that the waiting is what steals the breath out of the present. The whole purpose is to embrace what isn’t waiting. It’s in the now, the non-waiting that you derive the most joy.
In the past, I’ve never been fully immersed in the experience. The waiting is what sat on my shoulder convincing me to anticipate what’s next. It’s not the greatest way to live is what I’ve learned. You’re constantly anticipating what may come, instead of what is. For the first time in my life, I am deciding how to wait. It scares me, but my appreciation of what is happening, the experience of living in the now, pushes waiting out of my shadow.
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Do you feel like you are constantly waiting for something? Does the waiting perpetuate anxiety? How do you control your emotions while waiting?
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
I’m trying really hard to not wait…because if I’m living in the moment, there is no waiting!
Tiffany,
I am trying, as hard as it is, to embrace the same principle.
Well, in the most literal sense, I loathe waiting. But yes, I do, in a sense, feel that sense of waiting for the next thing to come along. You’re right–it’s not necessarily a good thing.
The waiting chews away and chips at what your doing and thinking in the present. I hope with age and experience I get better at waiting.
I’m waiting for my time to come, because I know it will. Good things have to be waiting for me somewhere. Yet, waiting is also bittersweet. I’m waiting for my kids to grow old enough for school so I can have more time for opportunities during the day, yet I don’t want them to grow older. It’s a tug and a pull.
C,
I know you will find those good things. There is a certain ambivalence in wanting something and having to wait for it.
Up until about a year ago, I spent my life waiting. I still do at times, like right now, waiting to hear of news of my brother.
I am trying to practice embracing the present instead of anticipating the wait between now and some time in the future.
Waiting does distract me from the present moment and definitely sparks anxious feelings. I am getting better about realizing that the things that I “wait” for are usually beyond my control. Acknowledging that helps me let go of them.
I think acknowledging that so much is out of our control helps, but I haven’t quite adjusted to the feelings of anxiety that surround that waiting period.
I am a pro at waiting. I’m convinced it’s what has made me so impatient. 🙂
Appreciate the laugh Christine!
I’m too impatient to wait….and that’s what always gets me into trouble!
You are not alone… I’ve gotten in trouble because I was too impatient for an outcome. I jumped to conclusions because I was unwilling to wait.
Rudri……with boys I have stopped waiting in the spring. OMG it is crazier – that life. Baseball games every single night and practice to boot. My only saving grace is I get to read in between practices and games and innings. By year end is growing..I could care less…but I do… care.. But we are going on a family camp out this weekend…..yippee.
I forgot to say….i luv r posts…..forgive my typos.
Thanks Jody! I appreciate you reading and commenting.
No apologies needed.