I’m notorious for remembering phone numbers, like the one to our credit card company. My husband had to make the call to the company two days ago and proceeded to look up the number. I said in my loudest voice, “Here’s the number. You don’t need to look it up.” Even if I haven’t dialed a particular person’s phone number for years I can recall it if the circumstance requires it. I can’t explain my ability to do this. I’ve always carried it as a part of my personality.
But it startles me when I try to access a memory, an important one and my mind fails me. There is some sadness when these failures happen.
I’ve forgotten the sound of my father’s voice. He spoke loud, with clarity, but the general sense of his voice I struggle to remember. I can recall his tone, the cadence of his speech, but I can’t hear it. I’ve forgotten. A voice I heard for 35 years becomes part of the past and I need to watch a video clip to remember that megaphone sound.
I’ve forgotten parts of my childhood. I’ve forgotten the days of no responsibilities, the days full of play and new beginnings. I’ve forgotten monkey bars and popsicle sticks. The fearless life is something of another lifetime.
I’ve forgotten what it feels like to have ambition. The late nights, the days of reading, studying, and writing all day and night are muted. Working toward a goal seems so impossible these days.
I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be the pretty girl.The one who walked the college halls and got noticed. I’ve forgotten how I never had to try a dress on when I shopped. The size always fit when I tried it on at home.
I’ve forgotten about days without interruption. The days of late night movies, sleeping in, and reading the newspaper on Sunday morning.
It’s the part of life I don’t understand. The way we forget the things that kept us moving along. You are arriving every day of your life, trying to be present, and suddenly you forget how you even made it to the destination. I’m sad about it, but I also realize it is the normal cycle of life.
You love, you grow, you live and you lose. And eventually you forget.
What have you forgotten?