Sometimes the ferris wheel doesn’t stop. Your mind vibrates, with a blending of words and faces, while you attempt to drown out the noise by replacing it with other thoughts. What happens isn’t completely unexpected, you still are on the same seat, moving in a continuous circle. You want the whispers to stop, but don’t know how. These thoughts linger in you like a terminal illness.
You write it down. You vent to a friend. You innundate your spouse with scenarios and hypotheticals of this and that, knowing that he is probably half-listening. You repeat the story ten times during the week to anyone who cares to listen. Understanding that, the single thing you need to do is to “Let IT go.”
My husband loves this philosophy and has repeated it to me on several occasions. Ok, I am saying it – I have a hard time letting things go. I can probably cite a dozen examples of things I should forget, but won’t because I am convinced that by thinking of it constantly, it will make it better. It won’t.
But what happens when you don’t let go? Nothing and everything. By holding on to past hurt or disappointment or unkind words, you inhibit your own progress. For that every one unkind gesture, there are probably at least ten things that have gone right. It’s all in perception, right? By focusing on the negative and harboring resentment, you rob yourself of other right moments. You cheat yourself out of a more authentic and rich life.
So today, I am going to take a pledge to let one thing go. Won’t you join me?
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Do you have a hard time letting things go? What are strategies that you employ to help you let go? What are the things that you hold on to? Do you think men are better at letting things go than women? Why or why not?
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
I love this. I jus recently wrote about how venting and complaining about something over and over is actually bad for us, even if we do feel like it’s helpful to “get it off our chest.” Letting go –or, in other words, forgiving (ourselves, others, the uncontrollable world around us) is probably the only sensible solution.
So yes, I pledge with you! Thanks Rudri
Its hard at first but than its easy because you feel liberated from the stress of keeping things attached to your mind.
Yes! You said it all so well. I’m in.
Letting go is not my forte either. And I get especially annoyed when I’m in the midst of my vent and someone tells me to just “let it go”. I need to feel the extent of the emotion, process it and in my own time (admittedly slower than others) realize that it’s counter-productive to dwell. So I do let go. But in my own time.
My Guy is better equipped to let go. In fact, things don’t get to him as easily as it does me either, so he’s got quite an advantage over me in that respect. He has already inspired me to be better than I used to be – I still have room for improvement though.
I actually have gotten much better at letting things go and it has made a world of difference in terms of how my ex and I relate.
I even wrote a post about my thought process when I do it.
Now when I find myself spinning my wheels, as I was today, I try to do something to switch the mood. I went to the gym and while I was getting those endorphins released I had a nice thought about someone who has been bothering me and it totally changed the way I saw the situation and I finally let it go.
So today, with your helpful reminder, I am letting go unnecessary mental processing over people that bother me. I have my path. They have theirs. I won’t let our differences affect me.
Thanks for this post!
I used to think that I was awesome at letting things go, but now I realize I’m not. In fact, I can remember so many things my husband, mother, father, FIL, MIL did wrong that it has become an awful burden! I’m trying to forget them so I will definitely take you up on this pledge.
I’m much more apt to forgive than I am to forget. I’ll forgive to a fault, but I never forget.
I agree with you that men seem to do this more easily. I think women are conditioned to keep plenty inside, and sometimes it festers and gets bigger that way.
As we get older, letting things go becomes less difficult. Perhaps a matter of perspective. Maybe energy. Maybe wisdom (on a good day).
It’s so hard to let go sometimes, it almost feels like an addiction. But the peace that comes when you finally do it? Always worth the struggle it takes to get there.
You know I’m in for the challenge!
I think I will tell my husband to read this post. He is the absolute King of Holding On. He doesn’t understand how I can let things go so easily. Really I suppose the two of us should be meeting somewhere in the middle of our two philosophies 🙂
I’m in Rudri!
Yes, I’m in too!!
I tend to initially ruminate about things for a couple of days but relatively quickly move on. Age has given me the wisdom to know that you can’t change what is already done. Fretting changes nothing. Better to move on (just remember the names and addresses of the perps). 😉
I’ve gotten better at this. It helps that my work revolves around letting go — candidates who lose an election, non-profit organizations that go belly up, colleagues that drop out of the scene for a saner life. Even when I find myself in an intense situation, often, I have no choice but to let go.
Letting go is something I have to practice. It doesn’t come naturally, but when I finally leave some ridiculous piece of anger or disappointment behind, I always feel so much lighter and cleaner. It’s a great feeling.
great post. I usually have no problem letting things go, but I admit sometimes I have to vent to a friend first.
I really appreciated this post today. I needed to let something go and it was like I stumbled upon your blog post right when it was eating me inside.
I pledge to let it go too! Thanks!
Oh Rudri, this is exactly what I needed to read today. There is something – a particular thing – that right now is taking every ounce of my mental and emotional energy when it shouldn’t be. I’m pretty much obsessing. These words are the reminder I needed to just LET IT GO. Thank you, my friend.
I’m the same way. In fact, I just came back from my annual visit to my parents’ and we ended on a bad note. My mother said something hurtful and I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, let it go. After 5 days of crying I finally did, because it was a miserable way to live. I don’t know…maybe it’s a step in the right direction. I am realizing that the only person I’m hurting is me when I hang onto these hurts. I hope you’ll find it easier to let go too.
I’m a new reader and enjoying your posts.