He said no, but I said yes.
The year was 1995. People were mulling about in the college library, zealous students proofreading papers minutes before they were due, the mix of soda, coffee, and stale sandwiches filling the air. My stomach was jumping on a trampoline, my mind trying to concentrate on the white paper, but nothing worked. I pushed my chair out, using the wooden table for balance. I sat back down. You can do it, I tell myself. The worst he can say is no. That wouldn’t be so bad, trying to convince my inner ego.
In the library, I walk up to the boy, my friend, making small talk as I sat down. “How’s it going?” I ask. He shifts the newspaper he is reading, a little surprised that I sat down, without an invitation. Then I jump right in since I didn’t want to lose my momentum or my nerve. “Hey, I think we should go out.” My words hang, in mid-air, hoping to land. “Um, I am flattered, but no.”
He said No. And it felt bad, after hearing it out loud, the rejection played in my head over and over again. I get up, of course, and say, “Ok, cool. Just thought I would ask.”
We went to a small university, so I would see this boy from time to time. We would even have conversations, about nothing in particular, when a group of us would get together, in the library or lunch. It was casual, the tension of the rejection, now a tiny mirror in a kaleidoscope.
And then three months later something I thought that would never happened came to life. HE asked me out. He told me he started noticing me after I asked him out and would I consider going out with him? I could of said no. But I didn’t. I said yes. And you know what? Fifteen years later, I look over at that boy, now my husband, and realize it is the best yes I’ve ever said.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Oh what a wonderful story – but it begs far too many follow up questions, such as why did he say no at first and what made him change his mind?!?
Oh so brave, to ask him out in the first place, I don’t think I could ever have done that directly myself, but your story is living proof that if something is worth having it is worth sticking your neck out for. So I am happy the initial no led to yes and such a happy ending.
I loved the post but it left me wanting to know how he got to the point of asking you out! Haha
That’s awesome! It takes a lot of courage to ask someone out, especially with the threat of a no answer. I’m so glad it worked out, though.
I hope you give him a hard time about his no-turned-yes please!
I really like the idea that by you taking a chance and putting yourself out there, it made him see you differently. Good lesson for life. I too want to know more though!!!
You are a brave and wise woman. And you know what? He was brave to ask you out 3 months later.
15 years. Quite a feat of magic, and no doubt, hard work. Sometimes yes and no hit it just right.
That’s awesome! And now you get the “I told you so” card for LIFE!! :p
Love it!
you are one brave girl and what a sweet story.
What I love about this is the fact that you went after your Yes. Which is how it should be! So he said no at first – so what? Your action started the chain reaction that brought you to a marriage. Just think what would have happened if you HADN’T asked him out? Such a cute story. Although I can imagine it didn’t feel so cute when he said no. 🙂 Go Rudri, for being ballsy and brave!
Definitely, that’s the Rudri I know. Fab story.
Such a great story! I love the whole idea of how a no led to yes. I wonder how many opportunities have passed us by because we were too afraid to risk hearing “no.”
Wow! Because you had the guts to ask him out initially, he started noticing you and look at what happened! Wonderful yes indeed!
Awww!! Great story!! Love it…glad you said yes!
Awww that’s so sweet! Good for you for saying yes!
Very very sweet!
My mom said no, but they have been married for 35 years now.
I love the mixture of confidence and nerves here – the perfect counterparts to the no and yes. I’m impressed by the courage you had to act on your hunch: obviously a good one! (And I love seeing the photo of you and your husband!)
Love it! Go, Rudri. Sometimes our boys-turned-men need a figurative kick in the pants to get them going, don’t they? =>
Just beautiful, Rudri! And apparently many more Yeses were in store for you both after that initial Yes.
This is exactly what I think Yes is about. The promise. The magic. The commitment. It’s a lot harder to get than a No.
That’s my sis! 🙂
Fantastic story! I felt all the ups and downs as I read. I’ve never asked a boy out, I started dating my husband at 15. But I can’t imagine every feeling brave enough to do it. What I do know though is often, when we least expect it, great things happen!
My favorite part: after he says no and you say, “OK, cool.” That’s just so real. Because of course it wasn’t cool, but that’s what we say.
I’m glad you’re story ended this way so it really was “cool”.
So cute!!
What an awesome story. I can only imagine how exciting it must have felt when he approached you three months later. (I’m still smiling.)
Meant to be! I love this story. And so well-told. My heart actually jumped when he said, “No” (even though from the title I knew what was coming) and then jumped again at your last line. Perfect!
I love this one! Fifteen years! Good choice. Some would have said no just for spite and missed out on a lifetime of happiness.
I got goosebumps up and down my arms when I read this. I was expecting it to be a story about the lesson you learned by confronting your fears, or accepting rejection, or something along those lines. But, it was your future husband! Great story.
Men can be so silly! Good for you for putting yourself out there. I’m glad he realized what a catch you are. You two are a perfect couple.
What a great post. What is it about men how they like to be chased?
Love the photo.
Ah, this is funny and awkward and heartwarming – all at the same time! I think these kind of stories are the best. Not picture perfect, but so much better in the end.
Hi, I’m here from momalom. LOVED this post. So well written. Thank goodness he said yes : ) I know quite a few people with this story. Just shows your intuition was sharper than his at the time : )
Look at you! I would never have the courage to ask someone out like that. I love it — and I love even more that he had to eat crow when he realized you were his Yes.
Congratulations on 15 years together! That’s a pretty awesome feat.
Such a cool YES! 🙂
Wow – now here’s your all-in-one post: Courage, Happiness, Lust, Memory & Yes!
I admire your bravery in asking a boy out. And look where that landed you 🙂
My heart swelled in the moment you asked him and got rejected. And the swelled again–even more–in the moment he asked you and you said YES!
I love looking back on these moments. The ones that brought us the lives we have now. The decision-making moments. I’m in awe that it seemed so simple back then but became the pinnacle for what will surely be a lifetime together as partners, in marriage, with children. !!!
I love your story! It mirrors my own. When I first encountered D on campus, he was with his friend and was over-the-top obnoxious, so much that he actually made my skin crawl. A few years later, he crashed my party. Things were different. The rest is history. We just celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary.
Very cool story.
Such a sweet story. I love it.
Lovely! What could have happened if he didn’t have such an opportunity to notice you!! But I too wonder about the little details of you which made him change his mind?
A perfect YES post!