It shines, glitters, and when I put my diamond ring in the sunlight, a thousand rays shout out to the sky. In its brilliance, I am lost. I never leave my house without slipping it on my finger, a symbol of so many things. Love. Marriage. Commitment.
But there are moments of doubt that lurk into my conscience. I think about the other secrets that may lurk in the soul of this diamond. Secrets that I don’t like to think about. Where did my diamond come from? Did a child mine my diamond? Did a child die so that I could wear my diamond? I don’t know. In my hands, I read the nice typed certificate, detailing all the external specifications, color, cut, clarity, and carat, but it doesn’t mention more important words associated with diamonds, blood or conflict. I will never know where my diamond was born and who touched it or how many lives that had to be sacrificed so I could wear it on my finger. I fear that by wearing this diamond, I support unspeakable atrocities that have happened to someone, somewhere in the world.
Even with this knowledge, I lack courage to do the right thing. I know the appropriate thing would be to stop wearing my diamond ring, sell it, and take the proceeds and offer a donation to some charitable cause. Often I have thought about it, but I won’t take that step. I can’t part it with it. It is more than object to me, it is the day my husband dropped down on on one knee and proposed to me. I am forever attached to it because of those feelings of goodness. And it makes me more culpable, because I’ve considered the gravity of what it means to covet something that may have come from a place of hurt and, yes, conflict.
The moral compass whispers what is right, but the loudness of my voice pushes back. I still have my ring on, thinking about the courage it probably took for a child to mine it. And examine my own lack of bravery for not slipping it off.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
(Came over from momalom 🙂 )
I often dream about having the stone replaced w/ something else… (though I juast wear my wedding band now… I still love my e-ring)
I never gave my diamond a second thought until I read A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. And then, like you, I wanted to help stop the violence by refusing to buy/wear diamonds. But then, the emotional, sentimental part pushes those thoughts away. And then I think – diamonds – it’s not like wearing fur or killing baby seals. The issue is HOW the diamonds are mined – a human rights issue. I should focus on helping in a human rights spirited way – but how? I wrestle with this and appreciate you bringing attention to the horrible injustices children face in a greed driven industry.
What an intriguing post. I never real thought about this issue before either, and I’m glad you raised it. I no longer have a ring, and nor did it ever contain a “rock,” but even the small studs I wear occasionally, I hadn’t thought about.
As consumers – of almost anything – we’re so far removed from the origins or processes or people involved in bringing objects to us.
I’m glad you wrote this. What to do – I don’t know. But I’m glad you wrote this all the same.
Hi Rudri – Thank you for bringing to light such an important issue, and, in doing so, offering another perspective on the idea of courage. The life I lead is hypocritical in many ways (e.g. I drive a hybrid car, but I crank the a/c in the summer), so I hope I don’t sound self-righteous when I say that I feel lucky that my husband proposed to me with a conflict-free diamond in my engagement ring. Before I got it, I knew about the controversies surrounding blood diamonds, but didn’t realize that diamonds are mined in North America. Now, of course, I’m wondering about the environmental impacts of diamond mining in general…
Thanks again for this thoughtful post, and for the reminder about the complexities where our emotions and our ethics intermingle.
Thank you for bringing light to this. I often wonder about how my materials are produce. It takes courage to coose not to partake in some of the evils that exist in the world and to stand up for your beliefs.
Great thoughts. And I know how difficult it would be to get rid of your ring. What a bittersweet problem. You look at your diamond and see beauty and love, and then you see darkness and loss.
I think your thoughts are profound. But the diamond is mined. No going back. Just go forward.
Wow. I’m amazed over and over by the range of posts by others on this topic of courage. But yours really blows me away. I feel sad for not thinking of this before. It’s not an issue I am terribly familiar with. I know it exists and I’m embarassed to admit, that it has only been on the periphery for me. I’m not sure how I feel, whether I can change that. But you’ve sparked something in me. I can offer no words of wisdome, only thanks for this intriguing, and stimulating post. I must digest it now.
How ironic Ru. I hardly ever wear my ring. (I just forget to put it back on between going riding and wearing rings while riding is not a safe thing, so I end up just finding myself not putting it back on again. nothing more than that)
Yet, I slipped it on yesterday for Mother’s Day. And I’m still wearing it, and looking at it sparkle and yes, thinking all those nice thoughts you mentioned about what it means.
But your post is sincere. And it brings up good points. Good points that affect good people. But I have to agree with terry here and say that it is simply about going forward at this point.
Not sure what to do either about the controversial issue. I hardly wear jewelry as it is, so a boycott from me isn’t much of a dent. I hope you can find some way to deal with it yourself. But I wouldn’t want to part with mine, and I don’t think anyone would expect you to. And I’m not sure getting rid of it would bring peace either. As the hybrid car example from Kristen’s post…. we all have bits of hypocrisy in our lives. I don’t think I could give my ring away to make a statement, then turn around realize how many other statements I am not making in my daily life. I think it’s too big a sacrifice or penance to pay.
You are very noble to think so deeply about the origin of your ring. I’m embarrassed to admit, I never have. All I know is that my ring came from a place of love. From my husband’s heart and that is the symbol that I will carry with me.
You are right though, a lot of courage may have come from mining my diamond and it would be a meaningful statement to stop wearing it.
Very thoughtful post!
Thank you for such a thought provoking post. It is important that we all consider the damage our consumer culture has forced upon the world. That said, I am just as guilty. Though I don’t have a diamond engagement ring, I do have the ring that my husband’s grandmother got on her 16th bithday in 1928. There are many other things in my life that I worry about, the human impact of cheap clothing made in child labour sweat shops. The environmental cost of transporting the fruits and veggies that we would never partake of otherwise. I worry about it all, and yet, I don’t have the courage to make the adjustments in my life to improve the impact.
About your ring though, if it was once a blood diamond, it is no longer. You can’t take back what has already happened and now it is a symbol of love for you. Let go of the guilt but remember the next time you make a purchase about how your dollar speaks to the world.
What a wonderful post. I feel so lucky to have stumbled your direction through Momalom’s Five for Ten!
What an important issue you bring to light here, Rudri and I feel your concern.
Months ago, I wrote a post about attending a Human Rights Watch lunch and happened to sit next to a beautiful, accomplished woman with a massive diamond ring on. The topic was the Congo, Burundi and Rwanda. I was so distracted by her ring and was so close to asking if it came from one of these countries. Thankfully, I managed to keep my mouth shut.
The way I see it, the ring has already been processed and cut. That can’t be undone even if you donated its value to charity. Your awareness of the issue and sharing it with us means something. And when we find we’re in the midst of something less than perfect, sometimes, finding meaning in it is all there’s left to do.
I think Belinda’s take on this is wise and generous. And your post, Rudri, is honest and good. It does take courage to confront what roles we’ve played, however indirectly or even obliviously, in the less than courageous, often convenient and cost-effective stuff of life.
Wow. Powerful stuff, Rudri. And so poetic!! (As always) “The moral compass whispers what is right, but the loudness of my voice pushes back.” I think there’s courage in acknowleding the conflict between the whisper and the yell. The tension between black and white. The ways in which we fall short of the person we want to be. Which is just a long way of saying it takes courage to be honest. With ourselves. With the world. And yet, you are. Over and over again.
Thanks for visiting ETD today! So sorry my comment is so late!
AAAH! I just typed a long comment and my computer froze. Hate that. The gist was that it takes courage to acknowledge the tension between the whisper and the yell. To illuminate the conflict between who we want to be and who we are. Courage to be honest.
I wear my ten-year anniversary diamond every day. It will be the last diamond I purchase. We will celebrate our twenty-first anniversary next week. Thank you for a thoughtful post!
I have never had a diamond as, strange as it sounds, I don’t like them. It has nothing to do with courage or braveness, just personal preference.
Thank you for putting your personal struggle out there for all of us to read. This getting the issue in front of people is important.
I feel so ignorant. I didn’t know anything about blood or conflict diamonds, I’m ashamed to say.
Thank you for getting the word out there, for sharing this important message as well as your own feelings and internal struggles.
It’s nice to meet you through Five for Ten, and thanks for your comment on my blog!
You know, I never thought about my diamond until I watched that Leonardo di Caprio movie. I wish I knew where my diamond came from, and wish I had the social conscience not to wear mine.
Popping in from Momalom!
Oh the moral compass. The moral compass doing battle against a flurry of thoughts and voices inside our head that tell it to move astray, continue to point in an uncomfortable position. While it takes courage to do the “right” thing, I think it takes even more courage just to begin to think in terms of doing that “right” thing. Does this make sense? Words are flowing out of me like a river with all of these amazing Five for Ten posts.
Thank you for this, it was lovely.
Belinda has a good point. It’s done. Plus, one or two people not buying diamonds won’t make a political impact. It will just hurt the stores who sell jewerly–people who support families.
Plus, this ring is what he gave you. Cherish it. :o) It’s a symbol of your committment and your love, of promises made before God, to always walk alongside each other in good times and bad.
I have a preference against diamond engagement rings in general but this wasn’t the reason why, although now I will have to add that to my list. I have to admit I never thought of it that way – thanks for this illuminating post.
I found you through Momalom, and I’m glad I did. I’ve read a couple of your other posts, and they resonated with me. I will be back! 🙂
I’ve never thought about this before. Now that you mention it, I am feeling pretty guilty for wearing my “rock.” I think, though, there is something I can do that goes beyond not wearing my ring. Spreading awareness like you have done will hopefully get rid of most of those dreadful mines. At least I’d like to hope so.
I’ve thought about this often. We’ve done some research on the place we bought my ring–the place says they don’t accept blood diamonds. But, you never know with these things do you? This is a good post, I like the ones that get people thinking! Thanks for stopping by MM!
Wow, what a fresh perspective, and one that even know is hard for me to swallow. I don’t consider myself a very vain or materialistic person, but I am AWFULLY attached to my wedding rings. I suppose if they never had diamonds in the first place I wouldn’t have cared, but the thought of giving them up–even on principle for a very good reason–is very scary. I’m certainly not brave enough to do that.
This post evinces your good heart, your thoughtfulness. Your own courage in wondering. Your own diamond core.
Brilliant.
Thought provoking and lyrically written, as always! But Rudri, darn it, you made me look at my ring in a way I’ve never looked at it before! 😉 Seriously, another fantastic post. Taking a long, hard look at your choices – what jewelry you wear, what causes you support (or don’t) – takes courage. Thanks for sharing your struggle and for making me think.