The phrase, “I am sorry for your loss” is something that you will have to say, someday, to someone. It’s a simple phrase, but a necessary one. I know it is hard saying it. It is hard hearing it too. In the weeks following my father’s death, so many expressed their condolences by saying, “I am so sorry for your loss.” Others, family members, friends, people who had known my father and my family for years, chose to say nothing.
I know it sounds strange, but I wondered about the people who knew my father, but who chose to stay silent. Did they think it was appropriate to be silent? No one can take away the grief at that moment. I think everyone understands that. The grieving seek comfort everywhere. I know that I felt comfort, knowing that people took time out of their day, to pause and honor my father’s memory at his funeral service. I also felt some solace by the e-mail and facebook condolence messages, the phone calls, sympathy cards and flowers that were sent to the home.
For someone who has experienced a loss, the smallest gestures matter. When in doubt, if you can, attend the funeral or send a message or make the phone call. At the very minimum, say “I am sorry for you loss.” Six words. That’s it. In times of grief, we want to know we are not alone.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Hey Ru,
I so agree with you. On the one hand, you understand grief & loss can be uncomfortable and you may feel inadaquate to respond to it. But on the other hand, it’s so much better to say something and acknowledge the loss.
Thanks for sharing your heart! I really hope this helps someone.
Luv ya much!
Lex
Lex,
Thanks for visiting the blog. So glad you took the time to comment. You are right, acknowledging the loss is essential. There is comfort in knowing that grieving people can rely on others for support.
Love you, too. Keep reading my friend!
I agree. I was actually just talking about this the other day with a friend of mine. Im glad you wrote the post and people who may not know how to respond and usually don’t say anything will now know the importance of acknowledging the grief.
Naseem,
Thanks for commenting. I hope this entry will give people permission to console those who are grieving. Talk to you soon.
It’s true. One could say in this case, silence doesn’t speak volumes, but rather those six words do.
Hopefully this post will allow those that are silent, to have the courage and “permission” to say those words.
Thinking of you, Dad. JSK.
Nicely said Sister. Thinking about Dad, too. Miss You.