I call myself a lawyer, even though I haven’t practiced for three years. In reality, these days, I am juggling new roles: wife, mother, writer, cook, maid, and general problem solver. I don’t introduce myself as the latter, I say, if I am asked, I am a lawyer. I rationalize that it’s a title that I worked hard for and so I am entitled to use it.
It is also a part of my past and when I was a twenty-something, my goal was singular. It was easy to think this way because my career experience was limited. So with little knowledge of the legal world, I declared that I was going to become a lawyer.
I didn’t think today, at thirty-six, I would be here. If you asked me in my twenties what I would be doing fifteen years from now, I would have told you that I would wake up in the morning, put on my business suit, load up my brief case, and head out the door to the courtroom. I don’t think I envisioned making my little girl’s lunch, loading her up in the car, and taking her to pre-school. No, those were not the visions in my mind when I was a twenty-something.
What changed? I can tell you it wasn’t just one thing, but several things. As you grow older, you realize you are not responsible for just yourself, but your family. It wasn’t just me anymore. It wasn’t a singular goal anymore. It was also confronting my own insecurities of what I wanted to do and how I wanted to spend the remainder of my time on this earth. You gain more experience and learn that what you may have wanted to do in your twenties isn’t what you are meant to do later in life.
So at this moment, I choose to do something else. It isn’t easy to say it out loud. After law school, countless student loans, and practicing for eight years, I have decided to embrace new roles in my life. At night when it is quiet and I think about my decision to walk away from law and I wondered if I made the right decision. I have moments where I want to go back to my old life. Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. Sometimes though you have to walk away, shed your insecurities, and just let go.