Earlier in the year, I chose pause as my word for 2016. By reflecting on these five letters, I’ve considered the ways I don’t pause, especially when emotions, circumstances or situations unravel with difficulty. When there is no threat, it is easy to pause – taking a few minutes to write in my journal, gazing up at the sky or meditating a few minutes in the evening.
Pausing requires conscious effort and discipline. It means saying no to the inessential, identifying what doesn’t fit in my life and allowing simplicity, instead of overthinking to set the cadence of my days. In the last few months, I’ve paused to consider what truly fulfills me. In my office, an Annie Dillard quote reminds me of these important words,”How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” I’ve reflected on this quote several times, especially in midlife. In my forties, I often think more years are behind me than ahead. It’s a sobering epiphany banging against this truth. Intersecting with this thought and the word, pause, offers a concrete way to pave the intentions and actions of my days.
I’ve defined what is important and absolutely nonnegotiable in my life. For my mental clarity, I must exercise. Although I run or take classes for my health, I also move my limbs because I recognize the privilege of having the ability to do so. I try to exercise several times a week. The days when I am unable to run or squeeze in a workout, my mental state suffers. I’ve learned not to underestimate that endorphins help fuel good energy. An hour before a run, I might feel irritable, resisting the need to slip on my tennis shoes, but after I wind the corner toward my home, I breathe a sigh of relief. I never regret moving my body and I’ve learned it is the quickest way to feel good about myself.
Another must for me? I must read, write or do both. Every single day. Even on days where I feel like a complete fraud, I still write. Because writers – they write and read. Whether it is freelancing for a client, writing a blog post or massaging words for an essay or my manuscript, I am doing a better job at protecting my writing time. This isn’t always easy, but I have such a physical and sense of piercing regret on the days I fail to write – even if I only manage to pen a single sentence, it eases the tension.
The other must? I relish spending time with my family. This includes shuffling my daughter to tennis and watching her play. It also means concentrating on her development and cultivating her interests. It is an unwritten pact my husband and I’ve made in raising our daughter. We feel an overriding sense of fulfillment when she witnesses an idea for the first time or stumbles on a discovery. This past weekend, my husband decided to humor my daughter’s baking interest. They decided to make macaroons from the famous Bouchon Bakery book. I loved watching the two of them measure out the ingredients, stare as the macaroons formed in just the way they should and the shared glee of all of us, biting into one of these goodies, surprised they tasted so lovely. It is a moment, I suspect, with staying power.
Pausing means paying attention, a mantra I’ve adopted since my father’s passing. I’ve talked often about my occupation of time, the joy, the sorrow, the space between the pauses and the sheer heartbreak and breathtaking happiness it offers. But it’s how every single moment lays at our feet, asking us, what now?
I pause for what means the most.
My time with my family comes first. It is the most precious to me in every way. I am feeling the stress knowing that Daniel will be going off to college in three years. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. My writing has suffered because I have so much going on that I can’t possibly spend the time I need. Your post resonates with me. I am trying to set some time to write and exercise and read. I have taken on too much but it’s baby steps to find a balance and to find peace. Lovely post. Xox
Ayala,
Glad to hear you are making time to share your moments with Daniel and carving out baby steps for yourself too. xo
There have been too many days for me without writing, and I know you are right. I need to try to squeeze in even 15 minutes because I feel awful when I don’t write. I feel the same way about family, too, but with my kids grown and not even living in the same city, it’s very very hard. Sometimes rather than being grateful for those years where the kids and I lived in my vehicle for hours a day going between dance classes, Tae Kwon Do, doctor visits, etc., I almost wish I wasn’t so “attached.” It truly makes it harder now. I know that is a stupid way to feel, and I don’t get that idea very often, but occasionally, I find my mind straying there again. My parents’ generation really parented with “benign neglect” and they seemed happy to have us out of the house. Don’t get me wrong: I LOVE my close relationship with my kids. But having them so far away is excruciating.
Luanne,
I am trying to enjoy the moments with my daughter now – even it is shuffling her from one thing to the next. Thanks for the wise reminder.
I do hope you make time to write, friend. xo
Nicely opined, dear friend? As the tears roll forward, the passions and the loves weather the storms and bask in the sunshine. Thank you. Trish
Thanks, Trish. xo
Your very last line, pure gold.
Being here now not just for ourselves but those we love is a priority as this present moment will never come again.
Sometimes identifying what we truly love is difficult, but I think experiences help us sift through what we enjoy the most. It is the most liberating kind of epiphany.
Same. And I’m getting better at it. I hope. It really is about what means the most – to my heart, soul and health.
And yes, I will always find the pause for such things.
So good to recognize this truth sooner than later, isn’t it? It brings me joy that you will always carve out time for those things that mean the most to you.
Yes to pausing for what we need in our hearts. I pause to write, and lately, to read. I pause for my family, but not at all for my health… this post reminds me that my mental health is connected to the physical, and that it’s time to make the time.
I find that when I make time to pay attention to my physical health – it often energizes the other areas of my life.
I am glad you are committing to making it a priority, Dana. xo