You might have noticed a new look to my website. After a month of deliberating on the design, I decided with my designer, Kayleen of Booyah Creative, on this layout. So much of this process involved taking small steps to move toward the finished product. In the past, I’ve often complained about the process, not knowing how to adjust to the uncertainty of it and leveraging too many of my thoughts on the final outcome. In midlife, though, I’ve shifted my perspective to focus on the privilege of having a chance to take part in building toward a particular outcome.
The Latin phrase In medias res kept repeating itself in surround sound this past month. It lead me contemplate how many times we are in the middle of things and how often we forget it is an honor to submerge our feet into the trenches. When I write, there are times when I compose one word and then another and eventually it leads to a few paragraphs. In many instances, I’ve deleted entire pages because I wasn’t content with the sentiment or the word choices. I might throw my hands up in the air and claim how hard it is, but isn’t the beauty in those difficult moments? I’ve witnessed it over and over again in so many aspects of my life – in the middle of a long run, my legs and breathe wane and I often want to give up, but I continue. When I reach the finish, there is a sense of relief and accomplishment. There are mornings when I am struggling to move through the routine of balancing work obligations and making breakfast and shuffling my daughter to school. There are countless middles that come to mind – in the middle of arguments, in the middle of doing homework with my daughter, in the middle of an essay or in the middle of the day. But these middles, the ones I’ve tried to hurl through in the past, are the ones that are calling me to pay attention. My tendency is to welcome beginnings, fast forward toward endings, but skip past those middles.
I’ve heard about honoring the process and sinking into the middle of the doing, instead of trampolining my way toward finishing. With every attempt, the end will come, but what tilts and colors the finish? The middles. It is here where so much of the deciding, the learning, the living and paying attention is crucial. I lived the first half of my life thinking about ends and outcomes and holding those places as sacred ground. The holy is in the becoming. I’ve always wanted to believe in this philosophy and for reasons I cannot explain, this became apparent while participating in the redesign of the website.
I hope you take a chance to peruse my new site and witness this new becoming.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
It looks great!! I have long loved your words, and love this new frame for them too. xox
That means so much, Lindsey. Thank you. xo
Beautiful Rudri. I love what you say about sinking into the middle of doing.
Yes, the middle holds a particular significance as I explore my forties. Thank you for your supportive words and your writing guidance, Estelle. xo
I love it ! It looks great ! Xoxo
Many thanks, Ayala, for your wishes and friendship. xo
This is just stunning, Rudri – I love it. And what an oasis to seek refuge in. Your blog has always been that for me and now even more so.
Thank you for your thoughts here too. I’ve never, ever been good at the process part, the middle…but I’ve started to learn meditation and I am hoping that will help me to stop and just appreciate where I am.
Congratulations on your new look and new beginning, Rudri!
Cecilia,
Thanks for your warm words. Your praise feels like a virtual hug.
I am learning to lean into the middle and it gets easier as I attempt to embrace the uncertainty.
Always lovely to see you in my space. xo
Love the new look!!!! So soothing and searching and beautiful. So you. xoxo
Thanks, Alisa. I love how you describe the various intersections on my website. xo
Love the new design and feel of the site!
Thank you, Suzanne. Hope you are doing great!
Cheers to middles, Rudri!!
Thanks, Windy. Always appreciate your friendship and support. xo
I love the new look! It is clean, simple, and has a such a professional look.
Thank you, Susan. Glad you like the new look. xo
I love it! And you! Here’s to change and growth and success!
Cheers, Jane! Thanks for the love and warm wishes. xo
Just lovely, Rudri. This is a platform worthy of your breathtaking words. I look forward to exploring more and muddling through this middle with you. xox
Dina: I look forward to navigating the middle with you as well. Your words have always encouraged me to contemplate my perspective. Thank you. xo
I love the new look (not that there was anything wrong with the older one) and you’re absolutely right. There is much growth whenever we’re in the ‘middle’, submerged in the process. Regardless of style or facade or whatever, Rudri, I have to say it’s your words and insights that continue to draw me to your site. Hope you’re enjoying the holidays!
What a lovely thing to say, Joy. Thank you so much for your generous words. Wishing you the best this holiday season! xo
Congratulations on this new make over Rudri. Simply superb. I loved your profile pic.
Thanks, Vani. I am glad you like the updated site.
Here’s to the messy middles! Love your new website, Rudri!
Thanks, Susan. Looking forward to reading and writing with you in the upcoming year.
The website is stunning. More than that, I love the way you weave it into your own learning experiences and new beginnings.
That’s stunning too.
Thank you, Tamara. Your thoughtful words mean so much. xo
Yay! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the new look here! (I really liked the old one, too.) But it’s so exciting to have a new space to play in. I went through each tab and it all looks fantastic. Congrats!
Thanks, Nina. Appreciate your praise and yes, a new design, does add excitement. As always, I love seeing your name in my space. xo
It’s lovely. Aged with a patina of sorts, that is calming….a metaphor in color to me. Congratulations!
Thanks, Barb. I love that you found the design calming and your comparison to a patina is spot-on. Looking forward to reading more of your words in 2016. xo
Oh I love this essay. You have written so eloquently about what I have been feels my – that tired feeling in the middle of a run. Recently I taught a yoga class where we focused on not rushing in or out of poses because I feel that I live my life this way: in a hurry to start and a rush to finish. Your words make the middle seem languorous and decadent. I hope to spend time there today.
Pamela,
So much of what you have said resonates with me. I am focusing on trying to really sink into the moment, although, at times I revert to rushing through the process. I hope we both spend more time in the middle in 2016. xo
Oops – good old spell check. What I meant to write was that I needed to read this! And I love your new design!!
Rudri! Many congratulations on your new home! I love the design and, not surprisingly, love hearing about your process and how you came to honor the middle.
Words that resonate with me, today, very much. Beautifully articulated. xoxo
Thanks, Denise. I appreciate your heartfelt words. So grateful I’ve intersected with you. xo