“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
― Maya Angelou
Five years ago this week, I started writing in this space. October 2009 brought many transitions: losing my father after a four-year battle with cancer, moving to Arizona after living in my hometown all my life and working out other personal transitions of work and motherhood and responsibilities. The rumbling in my core needed a place to land so I sought out writing as a path, not really knowing that every time I wrote I carved out a home and place of refuge.
I say this often because it is true. Writing saved me and continues to save me. My thoughts are too much for me. I catch myself thinking about the past, what was, what isn’t and throwing darts into the future trying to predict where the next curve might appear in my life. What I try to negotiate in this space is how to navigate flight between the moment I throw the dart and when it lands. Sometimes it is a place I understand, while other times, I step inside a black hole where I struggle to find my footing. The accompanying loneliness in the darkness creates its own earthquake and I try to climb my way out by writing about it.
Writing will always thread pieces of me together, the former and the present and the future. I may not always understand it as it occurs, but the messy moments always present lessons that I am able to capture when I reflect and then write about them. In the last five years, writing pushed me to pay attention, especially to those parts I disliked or avoided for fear of confronting a place that is wholly uncomfortable.
The lessons I’ve learned: The details matter. Perseverance counts. You can feel less alone. Sometimes another person will raise their hand and say, me too.
Thank you for letting me unravel my stories. For listening. For reading. For commenting.
And most of all, for saying, you aren’t alone.
Image: Beach, past and present by amira_a via Flickr
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Congratulations on 5 years of Being You!
Thank you for all of your support and friendship. xoxo
Happy anniversary, Rudri! Wow, what an accomplishment! Xo
I appreciate your in-person and virtual writing support. I’ve learned from your writing and I hope I continue to have that opportunity in the future. Thank you, friend. xo
Happy 5th Blog Birthday Rudri!! It’s amazing how helpful writing is – not just for ones mental psyche but for growth . It’s a wonderful tool! Glad it’s been a helpful space/sanctuary and hope it continues to be for many more years to come! Have a great one Rudri and I will continue commenting as long as you continue to blog 😛 -Iva
Thanks, Iva. Your comments are always so encouraging and generous. My deepest gratitude for your support.
Love this line… “The details matter. Perseverance counts. You can feel less alone. Sometimes another person will raise their hand and say, me too.”
Happy Blog Birthday!
Thanks for the blog birthday wish, Stacey! I am so pleased that I’ve discovered your writing. I look forward to learning the details that matter in your life.
Oh Rudri, this is so beautiful, from that perfect quote by Maya Angelou to your very last line. You’ve captured so perfectly the very reasons why I’ve been writing as well. I couldn’t articulate it half as well.
I’m so glad that you pursued writing to deal with all those transitions (seismic and otherwise) in 2009 and since, and that it has been a steadily healing and growing process for you. (And I know October must be a difficult time…) Although I am not always able to read as consistently as I would like, your blog is one that I always try to catch up on as soon as I can. Like meditation, I need your words on a regular basis. Best wishes for many more years of blogging/writing!
Cecilia,
Thank you for your generous comments. Writing and conversing with others has uplifted me in ways that I cannot adequately express. I am so glad that we’ve intersected and hope to continue to read and learn from your words. Thanks for supporting my writing.
Awesome! Writing does make us pay attention to ourselves, our deepest parts. Writing has been an experience of growth for me,not sure where I’d be without it.
Writing is my meditation. I explore my vulnerabilities and find that others sometimes feel the same way. It is such a privilege to express myself and also feel like I am a part of the collective too.
Happy 5 years- I, for one, am so glad you are hear sharing your words. They are for you, but they resonate with so many others. Looking forward to the next five!
Thanks, Alisa. You know where part of my journey began – in that small room in Houston. So nice to call you an in-person and virtual friend. xo
Happy Five Years to you.
I feel like you said so perfectly what I feel sometimes about why I started blogging and why I continue it.
May we keep sharing our hearts and our words!
Tamara,
Yes. Let’s hope for continued writing and sharing what means the most to us. Thanks for your wishes.
Happy 5th…so glad I found you!
Likewise, Tiffany. Thanks for your wishes. xo
Congratulations on these wonderful five years. It has been a pleasure and an honor getting to know you through your writing. Your lessons enrich us, as does the way you express them.
Thanks, Wolf. That means so much. I appreciate your guidance and support and hope to continue to learn from you in the future. xo
Congrats on 5 years! That is a MAJOR accomplishment!! So glad we connected in this 5th years of yours. (My 4th!)
A belated thanks to you, Nina. I am so glad we intersected. May we continue to write for years to come.
I don’t know how I missed this…too much going on…I missed my own as well. Congratulations on these amazing years! So happy we met in this space and became friends.
Happy Belated Anniversary to you too, Ayala. Hope we continue to write and grow together for years to come. xoxo
Congratulations on your blog’s birthday! What a wonderful feat!
A belated thanks, Jessica. I appreciate your wishes.
You’re welcome. I hope you keep writing (here and elsewhere!) for many years to come. I really enjoy the warmth and wisdom in your words.
A belated Thanks for your support and words of encouragement on my blog. I truly appreciate it.