It started years ago. The hands of my Mickey Mouse watch moved toward 7:30 p.m. My father and I walked into a local Service Merchandise in Richardson, Texas and he bought me my first watch. When I “met” my new watch, I fell in love with time. It isn’t a coincidence that I gravitate toward objects that measure time: calendars, hourglass, and memorializing in this space what time means. I always remember that 2007 New Year’s Eve spent with my father in his hospital room. The tick of the second hand on my watch clicked loud almost like time was inside a megaphone. Dick Clark made its presence on the television, while I made a bed out of the hard floor and two blankets. The hours moved toward 2008, but nothing changed for my father. We were still in the hospital room. When the ball dropped, we didn’t watch. Instead, my father fell asleep, and I tried to muffle my tears in the hollow room.
Every New Year’s Eve this memory lingers. My relationships with time is complicated. I love it. I hate it. I waste it. I cherish it. I still firmly believe every minute is a passage, even when time isn’t translating into a new year.
Today is January 1, 2014. It “marks” beginnings, fresh slates, and the metaphorical empty canvas. Many will commit to making resolutions, but this path seldom works for me. As I reflect on another new year, I gravitate toward what I know to be true. These are things that I find it important to reflect on to keep my composure regardless of time.
Running is my meditation. I hope one day to embrace traditional forms of meditation, but for now, if I fail to run, I lose my sanity.
Crisis changes you. You hold on to the beginnings and endings and all the in-between moments. And it makes the passage of time feel like claps of thunder that are too loud.
You have to find your tribe. Those people that understand you even when you are not at your best. The ones that will pick you up in grief, laugh with you, and tell you what you may not want to hear.
We are here to love. This may sound like the cliche that keeps repeating itself, but this is what connects all of us. Next time really pay attention when you embrace your spouse or your kids. Feel it when you laugh with a friend or comfort a loved one. It is why we are here.
Engage in wonder. Take a moment to watch the sunset or glance at the fireflies or pay attention to your breath.
As much as we all may forget, the present is what we have.
Happy 2014. My wish is for you to find what you know to be true.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Beautiful post Rudri – I spend a lot of my time calculating and managing it instead of enjoying it. Going from one place to the next, coordinating where I need to be and when, what errands need to get accomplished and why; it’s non-stop from the moment I rise until the moment I lie down. I’ve been recovering from an infection and my boyfriend has been working non-stop, so when we are both on the sofa cuddling – it’s those moments that make it all worth while and help time slow down just a bit. There’s also nothing more precious at any given moment than your child giving you a hug and a kiss for no reason, which I cherish more than anything. Hope you had a great New Year! Happy 2014! -Iva
Beautiful post. we are here to love , that never gets old for me. It is the most important thing we can share. I hope your New Year is filled with all these wonderful things.Hugs.
Beautiful, as always. (It’s been a while since I’ve been here but your words always bring me calm). Happy new year to you.
Love this message…just what I needed!
This is beautiful, Rudri, and I want to say it is even “enough.” This is already so much wisdom, and if we can keep all this in mind throughout the year, we’d do pretty well.
I have been thinking of you throughout my current book, A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki. It centers around a teenage girl in Japan who is going through some difficult family and personal times, and she talks a lot about the passage of time and the meaning of time. Where does the past go? Where do we really belong in time? (The “Time Being” in the title is significant.) Some Buddhism philosophy is lightly discussed as well, as she talks about her 104 year old Buddhist priest great-grandmother.