“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” — Roald Dahl
In the last few weeks, my struggles center around pieces that are not working. My focus is frayed at the edges and my face demonstrates the stresses and worries that I choose to make my story line. Perhaps it is the closing of yet another season that elicits these darker hues of regret, sadness, and blotches of not feeling good enough. I often feel like the origami paper my daughter works with, if one fold does not bend in the right direction, the overall design fails to work. My tendency is to react and become impatient. Much of my personal mantra is to let go, but I fail at this practice. I hold on. To hurt feelings, to sharp words, to slights that are so inconsequential I am embarrassed to admit how much energy I spent analyzing motivations that I will never understand. This energy fuels a toxic aura that effects the lens in which I view my world and its ripples manifest in how I treat the things that are most important in my world, whether it is becoming short with my daughter or lacking inspiration to write.
At least 2 times this weekend, I sat down to write and nothing happened. This feeling is quite disconcerting for the writer. The blank page is often daunting, but this time, I detected an unease that does not usually accompany when I sit down to write. I walked away from my desk, hoping to return with some muse or inspiration. I did not return to write, instead I chose to sink into the other details of my life, shuffling my daughter to a playdate, getting together with some friends for brunch, and watching Homeland with my husband. Taking a step back, I thought, could help fuel some better energy for writing.
I awoke this morning still startled because the words felt clogged. It reminded me of the days when I mowed my lawn as a kid. I kept pulling the cord to start, but kept failing. On what felt like the hundred try, the mower started. This morning I decided to sit down again and try to tackle the barren canvas. When my mind is stuck, I often turn to my quote journals and the today the words, “watch with glittering eyes the whole word,” resonated. With this nugget of wisdom, I began to look at some pictures I captured over the last year. And indeed, I needed this reminder that my world is not entirely contained in just the edges, but the world that surrounds it. And it is beautiful, everything that lies between the silence and roar.
This is a picture I took on the way home from an errand one evening. The sun setting behind the mountains always offers a sense of holiness that I not only can see, but feel.
This waterfall that I captured on camera in Maui. The downpour of water had a rhythm that I can still hear. I know when I witnessed it I uncovered something sacred.
Our daughter is an instant reminder of what is so wonderous about the world. This shot is of her recent dance performance. There is so much I learn from her everyday. How to love, to forgive, and of course, how to watch the whole world around you.