I coaxed myself out of bed this morning and as our daughter dressed for school, I said, “Happy New Year!” She said it back to me, but I could see a glint of confusion on her face.
Yesterday we celebrated Diwali, our Festival Of Lights, and today marks the Indian New Year. As a little girl, Diwali was a momentous celebration in my house. We dressed in new clothes, ate homemade sweets, and went to our Temple. There were phone calls from relatives that lived in India and London and I still remember the giddy laugh that bellowed from my mom when she talked with her parents, sisters, and brothers. We participated in various rituals to ensure good luck followed us during the year. My parents pieced the best Diwali they could in the middle of our living room in Garland, Texas. I am not certain they really knew how much I would remember or reflect on those memories, but they made a distinct impression.
I repeated some of the same traditions as my parents practiced. I cooked an authentic Indian meal with samosas, puris, lentils, and other savories. I made an offering on a stainless steel plate and the three of us, my daughter, husband and I prayed in front of our mini-temple at home. In the evening, we went to our local temple and walked into a bevy of people we mostly did not know. Toward the middle of the evening, we ran into some friends and exchanged Diwali and New Year greetings. I learned that my daughter bends toward ritual and spirituality and insisted on completing her prayers before we moved on to the next deity.
In the middle of things is where something always strikes in my world. As in most of our worlds. As I listened to families exchange hearty conversations, I felt a deep pang of sadness. I missed the traditonal Diwali that I celebrated with my parents and sister. In the temple, everywhere, it seemed like every older man looked like my father. Many were dressed as my father with a long-sleeved striped shirt, pants that were a little short and the token belt around their waists. As I slipped on my shoes and we left the temple, I felt a deep pang of homesickness. It is rare that I go in that place because it is painful to keep recalling memories of the past. The point is to move forward. I get that, but somehow, there are times when I struggle to move out of that hole.
When we returned home, we threw ourselves into our routine. Our daughter brushed her teeth and got ready for bed and I shed my Indian clothes and slipped into my pajamas. As we turned out the lights, an abbreviated film of all my past Diwalis’ played in my mind. The house felt still and I whispered, “Happy Diwali.” I wonder if he was listening.
Happy New Year From Our Families To Yours. May the steps of your lives be covered with light.
Happy New Year to you and your family, Rudri! I love that you have carried on some of the traditions. I have not been very good at it (celebrating Chinese New Year), but each year I try to do something small and manageable. We’re a culturally mixed family now, and I don’t identify with my parents’ heritage so much. It does make me feel a bit sad that I don’t feel the natural inclination to carry on the customs, and as a result of my attitudes my son does not identify with his Chinese side at all.
I think it’s natural, and wonderful, that you thought of your father.
I hope you have a wonderful year ahead. 🙂
Thanks for the warm wishes, Cecilia.
I am holding on, but is becoming difficult. I do what I can and hope that she will remember when she is older. I think we all become unreliable narrators of our past and I am uncertain as to what she will carry with her.
My daughter is very curious about where she is from. She asks about various rituals and the significance of certain customs. I feel like if I don’t introduce and teach her about some of our customs, it will be something I will regret.
Happy Diwali, Rudri! What a beautiful picture of your family to accompany your beautiful prose. May your new year be filled with light, love, new beginnings, and warm memories. xo
I thought of you and hoped you were having a lovely Diwali. Happy Diwali to you and your family. Your family portrait is lovely.
Happy Diwali, Rudri! I wish you and your family a wonderful New Year filled with light and happiness. I love the picture, beautiful.
Happy new year! What a beautiful family!
By sharing your Indian traditions, you are making such a meaningful contribution to your legacy, insuring and the continuity of those special celebrations of an ancient culture that your parents so thoughtfully gave to you. Our adult and children continue many cultural actions and beliefs of faith and spirituality and it makes my husband and I so very proud.
A through-provoking message that carries a message to us all. Trish