A phone call in the middle of the night. A thirty-second conversation with a doctor. One routine blood test. A wrong turn on a road you drive everyday. An argument with a friend. An email from a stranger. A letter from a person in your past.
There are 86,400 seconds in one day. Each next second can erase what we carried inside just moments before. I worry so much about what I am unable to hold tight in my grasp; I detest those life changes that slap a waterfall of cold water on my face. Part of my fear lies in my absolute hatred of uncertainty. I’ve talked again and again that I am a faithful creature of routine. Any deviation sometimes pushes me to the brink.
Everyday I hear about someone who is struggling with their crisis second. Some people I know, others are filtered in the news. This morning I read this story. A young mother in India lost all three of her girls on the same day. They were found at the bottom of a well, raped and murdered. That mother, how does she move forward? How does she live every next second? So many, hurting, fighting, trying to understand that the reality that they once knew is now just a memory. This past week, I’ve learned about a 33-year-old man diagnosed with leukemia, a 48-year-old woman fighting breast cancer, and a couple that are on the brink of divorce.
One second. Oh, I fear its power. But it also propels my choice to seek gratitude. Savor every second where I am able to sink into the certainty. What do those seconds look like? I savor my cup of coffee every morning. I am filled with gratitude that I am able to walk, use my hands to brew a cup, and sip slow without any encumbrances. Every time I talk to my mom I am grateful that I still have a link back to my past. The other moments are sprinkled everywhere. A good laugh with my sister. Watching my daughter scream with glee at the sight of ice cream. A morning run. Watching the sun sink behind the mountains. A late night coffee date with a good friend. Movie nights with my husband.
These seconds. The ones that fills me with love and comfort. I wrap my fingers around those tight. Living, loving, laughing for one more second.
Around the corner, that next second. I have no idea.
So right now. No fear.
But a realization, that this second is enough.
Image by nicksarebi via Flickr
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
I recently discovered that I do a bunch of silly “superstitious” things to help me psychologically keep control of my world. The funny thing is, it doesn’t work because it’s an impossible task. So I’ve stopped. I am going to change my thinking a little bit and see how that perhaps changes my perspective on things.
The world can be all so overwhelming, unforgiving and unfair. Happiness seems to lie in appreciating what we have – moment by moment.
It’s hard to know that at any moment things can change, it’s a scary feeling and it’s hard to accept. We have no control over it and that leaves us insecure. I understand this and you captured it here beautifully . Savor the moments and I hope that they are all good ones. Xoxo
I can relate to this so, so well, Rudri. When I fell and broke my leg last summer it took literally all of a second. I would later go through all the “what ifs” that could have prevented that second. When I read back on my journal I realized the last line I had written in my computer right before before logging off to get on my bike was “Sigh…I have so much to do and so little energy to do it all.” That said something about the state of my mind on that day and was the only “premonition” that something could potentially happen.
You wrote here exactly what I began feeling since that day — fear of the unknown, fear that at any moment things could take a sudden turn for the worse. And I am grateful for your post, because you remind us that just as there are those rare frightening seconds in our lives, there are infinitely more of the good ones. I need to keep this in mind. Thanks for writing this.
The scary reality is that things can and do change in a single second. We must find the courage and strength within to adjust, and that’s where I depend on faith because I don’t think I could ever do it alone.
That is heartbreaking. There are so many stories like this one where you just wonder how they even keep breathing.
Oh how I relate to this. Once you’ve been touched by the loss of a loved one, a tragic accident, chronic illness…the reality that our existence and happiness is all so tenuous sinks in. It’s something that never quite leaves you and it becomes oh so important to savour each and every moment.
My mantra lately, Rudri, has been, “it’s alright.” “It’s all right.” I seek to banish the worry and the attachment to how I think things should be, to the why can’t this be different, to the fear that something will upset the apple cart that is my life, to the dread of my parents going, to fears for finances, to my longing to travel more, and morph them all into the knowing that, “It’s all right.” Whatever the circumstances of my life right not, “it’s all right.”
This acceptance helpt me maintain gratitude. What a wise post you’ve written. What a wise reminder.
Rudri, what a lovely blog, I read about the tragedy you mentioned and could not find words. You have expressed it so well here.
what a thought provoking post, yes it takes such courage to live life to the fullest. As a parent, I worry about my son, but after the recent incident in Newtwon, CT only a town away it scared me to he core. How can I keep my son safe all the time, how can I know only good things will happen. I can’t, I have to trust my faith and live life and enjoy each moment, treasure each moment. It’s hard to do, but fulfilling as well.
Happy Saturday Sharefest
Great words, thank you for sharing. Someone always has it worse than I, no matter what. It’s a good reminder to treasure and savor all of my blessings. Visiting from SITS.
Word!!! I was ever so mindful recently as I traveled to Guatemala and saw the poverty, malnutrition, and disabilities due to both at how precious my life was. The fact that I was blessed to have been born in the USA is reason enough I should never squander my seconds. Thanks for the beautiful reminder. Happy SITS Sharefest!
Thanks for sharing your article. Not too many people even realize what goes on in people’s lives. I always say there are others dealing with worst problems and health than myself. And it all can change in a moment’s notice, I agree.
(Found you on SITS)
What a beautiful and honestly written post. It’s an interesting thing to be faced with our own humanity and mortality. We recently learned of an unimaginable tragedy involving the family of a friend from college. In the blink of an eye, a man lost his entire family. It has affected us in ways that have surprised me. The way I drive, the way I speak to my kids, thinking twice or even three times before each decision, not knowing which one might have eternal consequences. You are so right to just focus on this day, this moment. What a wonderful reminder.
Happy to have found you through SITS. =)
I am like you in so many ways. I hate the uncertainty life brings us. I know first hand how quickly everything can change in a seconds time. I’ve been through many seconds that have drastically changed my life.
However, I am also rest assured by the fact that God has a plan for me and my life. So far, he has yet to fail me even during the worse parts of my life.
I have no idea how that mother who lost three girls makes it day to day. I cannot imagine. I lost my second son at 12 days old and the only that kept me going most days following his passing was my older son who needed me and that I needed to take care of. Every day, someone is facing their worst day, or receiving their worst news. I worked hard to make gratitude and forgiveness my practice (my son was killed by a medical error)… Forgiveness for mistakes others make, forgiveness for my own, and gratitude for all the good that remains!