“Finish each day and be done with it. you have done what you could. some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. tomorrow is a new day. you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
I keep mulling over these words from Emerson. The question I desperately need to answer – What prevents me from letting go of the past? In this space, I’ve talked of my persistent problem to really live in the moment. Each time I try to immerse myself in the present, the past tugs at me so hard I can’t breathe. It is a consistent and persistent battle.
The mantra that keeps repeating itself is “Let it go.” But how do I practice this? To be honest, I don’t. In a recent conversation with my sister, I harped on an incident that bruised me over five months ago and it hit me, “Why am I still talking about this?” It was a situation where many of the decisions weren’t even in my control. This is the realization I usually have after the fact. Where do I want to be? A place where I may mull about the past for a few minutes, but then also have the courage to really experience the current moment.
I forget that I have the choice to direct my thoughts. This is the ONLY and most essential part I can control.
I’m asking this question from you – How do you let go? Does the past dominate your thoughts? Do you really live Emerson’s words?
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Letting go is a process of forgiveness.
Agreed. I do believe that is a large part of letting go. Your comment reminded me of this quote: Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
As always nice to see you in this space. Thank you.
I understand so well, Rudri. It was only recently that I’ve allowed myself to let go. I’m so good at suffering emotionally but even for me there comes a point where enough is enough. When living in the past and dwelling on negative thoughts started to drain my energy and waste precious minutes and hours from my days, I knew that I needed to stop. I’ve done this by giving people the benefit of the doubt. The friend that barely ever emails and never once asked about my broken leg? I told myself that she is probably so overwhelmed with her own life right now and that I cannot judge until I’ve actually been in her shoes. Actually, have you read Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff? I never paid any attention to it thinking it was just another Hallmark-type fad, but I found it for 50 cents at a book sale once and decided to pick it up. It has really helped me, and there are a number of lessons in there about letting go of things. One question that struck me was, “In a year’s time, will this matter anymore?” Another striking one was (I don’t remember all the words), “How would you feel if you knew this person had only 6 months to live?” It puts our grievances in perspective.
I hope you can find peace. It’s a very gradual and tough process…
Cecelia,
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. Your words about the friend who didn’t ask how you were doing resonated with me. I tend to gravitate toward negative energy and wonder, “How could she not ask?” The same exact scenario happened to me about a month ago. While my mom was in surgery, a “good” friend failed to ask how my mom was doing while I was in Texas caring for her at the hospital. I’ve decided to walk away from this friendship, because I think I can’t find ways to explain her behavior.
I’ve picked up Carlson’s book and I agree, it has many lessons. Putting them in practice is my struggle.
I also battle with letting go of the past..and I wish I had the answer to share with you. It’s a battle I haven’t yet won. Maybe it is a matter of forgiveness because I find myself unable to completely forgive..no unwilling to forgive completely. I have managed to forgive to the point that I can manage daily life, but it’s never quite gone. When push comes to shove, I know that if I was told this person from my past had 6 mon. to live, I wouldn’t be sad. I would be relieved when it was over. And I don’t appologize for these feelings..but I do keep them to myself.
Letting go is not easy. The past is always a part of us. I find that it’s something we need to practice and program into our thoughts. I also think it’s a part of forgiving others and ourselves. Sometimes we are hardest on ourselves. I hope you can start every day as a new day. Xoxo
Hi! Stopping by from SITS Sharefest! Letting go of the past is definitely a process. For some, it’s an easy one and for others, it’s very hard. Nonetheless, it’s something that has to be done in order to move forward. The more you work at it though, the easier it becomes…trust me! 😉 Have a blessed weekend!
Welcome Michell!
I agree letting go is integral in living a life that is full and meaningful. I plan to keep working at it. It will take conscious practice.
I visit the past, but I don’t allow it to dominate me. I cherish the good memories and the not so good I take whatever lessons I can from it and move on…to now which is most important. Why is now important…because it leads to the future and soon it will be the past. I know it’s easier said than done, but when we spend too much time ruminating over what is done we are missing out on moments that will never come again.
I love that quote; I am surprised I haven’t read it before.
Some of the deepest hurts take the longest to put behind us. I agree with a couple of the other comments. It is about forgiving others (even when no apology is forthcoming) and forgiving yourself (if you are dealing with feelings of guilt, etc.). Sometimes that is a process, which needs repeating; not as instantaneous as Emerson’s quote suggests.
Once, I hurt someone’s feelings, but I was unaware of it. Two months later, the person told me. It allowed me to ask them to forgive me, we talked about it, and we both felt better. If they hadn’t come to me, I would have gone on oblivious to the fact that something I said was hurtful to them.
How I would love to let go of those things from the past that haunt me from time to time. I try to look at them positively; and ask: what did I or can I learn from that? and do I need to do anything to move forward? Then I tell myself to stop worrying about things I can’t change.
The timing of this post is just perfect for me. I’ve been wallowing in some past-yuckiness for a few days now. Trying to shake it because this state of being doesn’t feel like me. While complaining to my husband about the funk I’ve been in he said, “Then just be there. Maybe you need it. And then, it might be that much easier to let go.”
This morning, I feel so much better. And ready to let go. (I hate it when he’s right.)