I am surprised and humbled by mother’s strength. Late in life, she is beginning again.
My mom, for the last four months, is living independently in her own apartment. And for those who don’t know her, this may not seem like an extraordinary feat. But it is. In so many ways. My mom married when she was 21 years old. After living with her parents all her life, she became a wife and mother. In doing so, she never had an opportunity to live on her own. She was married to my father for almost 48 years and lived with him. After his passing, she couldn’t bear to live in their house without him. I don’t think she ever contemplated a life without my father in it. For the last three years, she bounced from our home in Arizona to my sister’s apartment in Dallas. Desperately trying to find her footing, I sensed she wasn’t completely happy with either option.
Early last year, my mom started talking about living on her own. I, to be fair, wasn’t a believer. I thought the transition would be hard, but she has embraced it with complete abandon. In the last few weeks, she calls and tells me about her daily happenings. Last week, she said she made some new friends and had them over for coffee and cake. For most of her life, her friends have been exclusively Indian. Now, she’s got friends that span the globe, from Brazil to Japan. Everytime I hear her voice, there is an excitement that hasn’t echoed in my ears for the last few years. She’s beginning again. Participating in exercise classes, listening to a live symphony, and even attending a local Greek Festival. I often joke with her and say, “Mom, your social calendar is much busier than mine.” She laughs and I can sense the genuine contentment over the phone.
I am certain there are several moments that my Mom misses my Dad. But what I also know is that my Mom has chosen not to dwell on what is not. She’s always taken adversity in her life and tried to make the best of it. There is a quiet strength that she possesses and I am only starting to appreciate it.
Thanks Mom for teaching me that it is never too late to witness a beginning. I am so proud of you.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
I admire your mom, so wonderful she is enjoying her life again. It’s never to late to start over…good for her! xoxo
Thanks for such heartfelt wishes Ayala. She does make it possible to envision starting over again.
Kudos to your mom, Rudri. It’s not easy to start again, and the fact that she’s doing it at her age gives the rest of us hope and inspiration that it can be done. That nothing is ever too late. Even a new beginning.
I am so lucky to have the ability to witness her transformation. She’s endured so much and I’m ecstatic that she’s having the confidence to venture out on her own.
Wow this brought tears to my eyes. What a strong woman!
Thanks Sheryn for reading and commenting. I am glad my words resonated with you. Appreciate your kind words.
So glad to hear this move of hers is going well! It must be a liberating feeling for her, really. An what an inspiration! Of course, I admire my own Mother, who is not in your mother’s situation (yet.? who knows?). And I think of the strength I have witnessed in her. I think both these ladies, and many many women in general have more GRIT than they ever could imagine. Really, when push comes to shove, and you have to pull yourself up by the boot straps, it’s strong women like our mothers that really do have it in them. As gentle and unsuspecting as you might think.
dear rudri very nice post. I like to live by myself. I want to enjoy the rest of my life. Love, Mom
That truly does take strength. Wishing many blessings upon your mother.
Such inspirational people in your life! That is wonderful about your mother. It is never too late. The mother of a good friend of mine was recently widowed, and I’ve sort of been staying in touch as to how she’s coping. It can be so hard. I’m glad to know that your mother is forging this new path now…will be very inspiring to see how she evolves and grows in the years to come 🙂
I know Cecelia it can be hard. My mother’s childhood and her relationship with my father didn’t necessarily make for an easy transition into venturing her own individuality. Part of it’s culture and the other personality, but now that she has exercised her own “superpower” I think she is discovering so much about herself.
Thanks for reading and always a pleasure seeing you in my space.
Rudri, I am so happy for your mother – that, in spite of her loss and grief, she has moved forward to find a new way of life and new friendships. She is an inspiration and encouragement for all of us.
Her comment is very sweet 🙂
Thanks Robin for your kind words. I agree her example is inspiring and I am so grateful to be here to witness her transformation. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Rudri,
This is amazing! Bearing witness is to this experience must be hopeful as well as humbling. Thank you for sharing. We are always beginning to learn. Being a beginner is the most powerful place to be… Thank you for this reminder.
It’s so wonderful to know that your parents are happy! My mom passed away three years ago, and we worried about my dad, but he is finding his own happiness, too. Good for your mom!
I really admire women (and men) who as they age embrace life. I know that sounds corny, but a lot of older people just give up and sit at home. My dad did that. He never went anywhere or did anything. He sat home and moped because his family didn’t come around every day. My mom on the other hand (they’re divorced) is like your mom – a busy social calendar. She is always doing something and is out there enjoying life. I love that! That’s how I want to be when I grow up!
Visiting from SITS.
Patty:
Welcome to my space! I agree that it is much more graceful to grow old by filling your life with some goodness and activity. It creates purpose and I believe that is the key in my mom’s case.
Thanks for reading and commenting.