I’ve always obsessed about time. This past week I mulled over the concept of the leap day. Almost 10 leap years have passed in my life. But this year, I am particularly sensitive to this extra day. It’s almost like a real life bookmark. A place of reference for us to reflect on where we were in our lives on the previous leap day four years ago.
It led me to think about February 29, 2008 and where I was and what I’ve become. Time always does that to me. I know my younger self always made plans. I often said, this many years from now, I will be doing this or living here or marrying someone like him. Into my thirties, I am less inclined to make bold statements about the future or where I see myself in future years. I certainly couldn’t envision how life has changed so much in the last four years.
In the last leap year, my family and I lived in an apartment in Houston. My husband was still in training as a NICU fellow in Houston. Our daughter was only two years old and in diapers. She knew how to speak a few words, but most of the time we were still deciphering her baby-talk. It had only been a year since I walked away from my career as a lawyer. I still drove to my childhood home in Dallas to visit my family. My father was still alive. And my sister had just graduated physical therapy school.
Now, oh, yes, now, the passage of time has changed so much. We now live in Arizona. I never imagined, four years ago, that I would wake up to cactii in my yard and witness the pink and purple sky, while the sun sank behind the mountains. Our daughter is six and I have long conversations with her about so many different questions. She reads. She writes. She rides her bike. I probably knew this would happen, but to live it with her and feel her milestones – I didn’t realize how much of it would make an impact on me as her mother and as my own person. In the last four years, I’ve completed two half-marathons, started this blog, and attempted to embrace my new career as a writer. The words memoir and the writing life were completely foreign to my existence four years ago. And then there are the landmarks and people that don’t exist anymore. My childhood home belongs to another family and my father isn’t here anymore. My little sister is getting married this summer.
Things happened in the last four years that I could never predict. Some of it has been trying and painful, while other experiences have provided me with much joy and happiness. I suspect all of the moments, the ones I could and couldn’t forecast, serve as a reminder that time threads through all of these emotions.
Four years from now, I suspect, I will live more moments that I couldn’t predict. The passage of time offers refuge for so many possibilities. And maybe that is the whole point.
Image by David Stokes
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Time marches on with our lives and memories nestled between the minutes…
Last leap year I had kid in diapers, too! Hooray for 4 years!
It’s interesting how certain dates or events cause us to remark on the passage of time more than usual.
Thinking about my past four (long) years – on the down side, I’m worn out from the stresses of those high school years with two kids, not to mention the expense and other dramas associated with teenagers.
On the bright side, while I’m still worn out (she smiles) – both kids are in college and doing well, at least for now. That’s a whole other (financial) set of worries, but the day to day in some ways, is a little bit easier.
I try to look at what I’ve learned and what I’ve accomplished as I grow older. I look back more than I would like, and I’m trying to retrain myself – now – even in my 50s, even knowing my “youth” and child-rearing are part of the past, it’s okay to look forward. And not without energy and appreciation.
Time marches on…enjoy each moment and I hope the next four years you have many many magical moments.
Glad I get to share the passage and thread of time with you…the moments, big and small, are that much better for me, with you in them! Sister, friend, and confidant for life! 🙂 Love you! Miss you! JSK.
You have accomplished a lot in 4 years!! I can relate very much to this…up until “recently” (perhaps, up until the time I became too “busy” as a mother) I’d always made the habit of journaling all the changes, events and milestones with each new year. I’ve always loved taking inventory of how far I have moved on (or at least, that has always been my aim…to progress further in some area with each year). I’ve stopped doing it, but your post is a good reminder that time and self are worth reflecting on.
I love that you focus on the possibilities that the passage of time offers. It’s easy to get hung up on the thinks we are powerless to stop happening (like kids growing and changing) but so much about the hours is also about welcoming the unexpected and honoring the moments.
Leap Day now has special meaning for me since my son was born on that day 8 years ago. Eight years. Wow. Passage of time, indeed. So quickly. So fast.