There is so much of everything around us, especially around the holidays. As soon as you walk into any store, the packaging smiles at you, putting a spell on you, and in an instant it becomes part of your shopping cart. When you have an almost five year old in tow, every possible object becomes a potential purchase. I keep telling my daughter, it’s about people, not things. The reality is that it is hard to maintain this philosophy unless you make a conscious choice to do so.
My daughter nor my family are around true poverty. When we pass an occasional homeless person on the street, we offer a couple of dollars to him. My daughter immediately asks “Why did you give him money?” We tell her that he doesn’t have a home. In the last day or so, my husband attempted to explain the word orphan and my daughter simply can’t comprehend that little children are without parents. She keeps asking, “Where did her Mommy and Daddy go?” My daughter’s life is easy. She sleeps on a bed, has every meal provided for her and has a plethora of fun activities to do.
The question then becomes how to raise a child who is sensitive to the world’s plight. Nearly 15 million children, just in the United States, live below the poverty level. Some of these children’s best meals are at school. The percentage of young children living in low income families are on the rise, increasing from 41 percent in 2000 to 46 percent in 2009. My daughter is wholly insulated from these facts as is my family. Poverty is something imbedded in numbers that I cited above. It’s something that isn’t a tangible in our world.
But there are things as a parent I can emphasize. My daughter doesn’t get everything she wants at the store. I will let her cry and remove her from the store before I succumb to her demands. Every three months she goes through her toy closet and she makes two piles, toys that she wants to keep and ones that she wants to donate. She knows that she is donating these toys to children whose parents can’t buy them toys. She accompanies me to the local Goodwill or Salvation Army store and watches as I turn in the plastic bag filled with her toys. As she gets older, I want to emphasize volunteering at local charities and saving some of her money from her piggy bank to donate. I realize these are small steps and ultimately it is about educating her to raise awareness. And maybe all of the things I am doing will not amount to much. I certainly don’t have any guaranteed answers.
Is there a full proof way to raise your child from being spoiled? I am not certain. I do know that I want her to focus on people and the sheer joy of experience. This past weekend, she spent time with her friends in a park, swinging on an old tire, the giddiness I only hear when she is playing with people, not things. Maybe she is already getting it. I hope so.
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How do you strike a balance with your kids when it comes to things? Do you have a method in place not to succumb to their every demand when going shopping? Do your children know about poverty? How do you explain homeless people or orphans? Any advice on how to not spoil your children?
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
What a wonderful post, Rudri. I think what you’re doing with your daughter is so important. Kids can be taught the difference between wants and needs, even young. It’s hard to say no, but important.
Around here, we’ve lived on a tight budget for many years. My kids are pretty far from being spoiled as a result. They know you have to work hard for things, and they know it isn’t about “things” anyway. People, not stuff.
What a great mom you are! And I had a similar conversation with my kids about orphans, with similar difficulties explaining the definition (and #1son is adopted, no less.)
We have no problems saying “no” in our house when it comes to material things. That’s not to say my kids don’t have a lot of stuff. They do. But twice a year, we clear out “stuff” together to bring to Goodwill. They accompany us so they can see where it goes, and who it helps.
I did exactly what you did and as my kids got older that became active in volunteering to charities, food banks, shelters through Scouts, Youth group, church, and school. The proud moment comes when they do it all on their own and don’t even tell you, but you witness it from afar…then you know it paid off. Compassion is a wonderful thing. I think you are doin a wonderful job in raising your daughter.
We, too, donate regularly to Goodwill and others, and my daughter always asks why there are people who need our old stuff. I keep explaining and keep hoping my words and our family’s actions will one day help her make similar choices for herself. It’s a sad world for so many, and we are so very fortunate. I want her to understand that, and at the same time I want to shelter her from it. It’s a tough balance.
We also regularly donate and I bring my kids with me when I volunteer. We also do lots of activities that involve less-fortunate children, including serving meals to low-income families and hosting free events for needy children. They learn to appreciate both what they have and what they can offer to the world. My son is collecting recyclables to turn in for money that he can donate to a local shelter. My daughter is too young to have big plans but she just shares her heart, and that’s enough for now.
“The question then becomes how to raise a child who is sensitive to the world’s plight.”
I have no clue, but what an important question. A meaningful post, Rudri. Thank you.
I try really hard to make sure my kids aren’t spoiled…and then grandparents wreck it! 😉
This year, in particular, we’ve been trying to teach Hannah the message that the holidays are about the people, not the things. I love the idea of involving the kids in donating. In the past we would sneak out the toys so she doesn’t throw a fit, but it would be so much better to have her know where and who the toys and clothes are going to. Thanks for the idea!!
I try to personally get/stay involved with people from all walks of life and take my child along. My work with nonprofits and probono legal clients provides this avenue, as does my agressive emmersion of her into our local Latino culture.