As I finished my morning run, my head tilts straight up to the sky, the pale blue welcoming me in its embrace. The air smells ripe and the rhythm of my own breath comforts me. My eyes searches the sky again and the blue swallows me with its clarity. My mind is quiet, intrusions are a shadow, following but unable to absorb into my body. A fresh day has begun, the start of routines, showering, dressing, packing lunches,washing dishes and other banalities of this existence postponed for a second.
I take solace from this moment. It is quick, and I am aware when it passes. My mind is running, sprinting toward unanswered questions. My whole body sighs, the weight of what I am thinking burdens my limbs.
I want to strive for another story, just for today. I’ve always been intense, contemplating the meaning of my own actions, my path in this life, and what I am meant to get out of it. I realize it is such a cliche, “finding purpose”, but isn’t that all we want in the end? We want to be salvaged from regret, even though it yells at us daily. It’s in the choices we make, wondering if the cobblestones that we lay on the ground will carve out more than a dead end.
In my own life, I am an active participant in routines and the mundane. The endless cycle of chores occupy my space and like morse code, I am hit with the message, “Is this what it is all about?” I convince myself the ordinary moments are what drive most of us forward, but I can’t help but think there must be something more.
For now, I will have to settle for that one second in the morning, hoping that in the future, the blue sky will be something more than a brief flicker.
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How do you define your own purpose? Is it something that alludes you? Is purpose something that shapes your daily life? How often do you think about your own life’s purpose?
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
This is beautiful. Every time I read your posts, I get the urge to encourage you to start on your novel again. Any chance it is still part of your life’s purpose?
You NEED that moment in your day–because, as you say, a lot of this parenting stuff is routine and wash, rinse, repeat. Keep on runnin’.
I try to take notice of the sky and “smell the roses” if you will every day. Puts life into perspective.
I don’t tend to wonder what the purpose of my life is, which somehow for me signifies obligation and duty. Instead I think about what I want to do in life, places to see, things to accomplish, goals to reach towards and beyond. Whether you have a child or not, much of everyday life is routine, work for example. It is making the most of the rest of our time that I think counts. Doing what makes you happy and those around you happy.
There has been alot of times as of late that I have felt that my life has been a waste; especially, having been through a divorce. The “yours, mine and ours” was not in my plan when I pictured my “perfect marriage.” These has been the hardest relationships of my life. Both emotionally and financially. At times, it’s hard to look up at the blue skies and enjoy all the beauty that is there because of the mundane chores that is a part of all of our daily lives; although, I know that every day here is a gift. With my Father hanging onto every day as a gift from above here on our earth and every stride that I see my youngest son making when I look into his “bluest of blue eyes,” which are the very same eyes as looking into my Father’s. I know that I do have a purpose here on this earth… I am a great daughter, mother and wife; whether I was first or not.
Salvaged from regret by carving out more than a dead end. Yes.
Love the metaphor. And yes, we do seek that clarity – some of us more than others. I couldn’t agree more. We seek purpose and meaning.
Hi Rudri – I just wanted to stop by and thank you for leaving your comment on my blog. Wow, this is beautiful writing. You capture so eloquently the tension between what is and what might be. So often the endless routines of our lives seem to shove out or limit the chances for meaning and purpose. I used to think of purpose differently than I do now, though. It was more about becoming. Now it’s more about being, and cultivating the relationship between my inner and outer life. And it definitely takes work. It doesn’t happen by itself, but rather when I actively create it.
Beautifully written, Rudri.
I wrote about purpose a while back. It’s not so much about big things. It can be the little things like how I might treat a stranger in a fleeting interaction and what an impression I might leave him or her with. Purpose is not something I think of much anymore and I’d like to attribute it to something but I’m not sure what. Perhaps it has to do with letting go of expectations and enjoying the moments more. It could also be that I’ve attached a big part of my life to causes that are important to me. Or it could be that I make an effort to do more of the things that I’m passionate about.
And I’m so happy to see Patty (above my comment) whose blog I’ve loved and been following soon after I started blogging. She’s one wise soul.
That moment…the sky…the breathing…the contemplating. All so beautiful. Sometimes I think it’s the mundane and the routines that push us to stop and take in those moments. Keep running, Rudri. And writing.
And in those ordinary moments are the extraordinary like noticing the clarity and vastness of the blue sky and wondering where you fit in with it all…those moments much bigger than us that make us pause and reflect are where we often find what we are searching for. Excellent post.
My husband and I have been talking a lot about this at home, this fear of dead ends, and means to ends (and, most often, means to WHAT end?). Your thoughts and questions here remind me of his wonders and worries. I cling to the ordinary moments, to the everyday, because for me, the fast-moving and sometimes unclear path is not at home but at work.
And from a simpler place: this made me wish that running was among my purposes. Really.
There’s nothing quite like looking up at the sky (or other big displays of nature) to pull you out of the mundane routine of your life, is there? I need to do it more often…
Ah, the morning run is so good for the soul, isn’t it? Until your mind keeps running… Take a breather. Not everything has to have meaning. Not everything has to lead somewhere. Some moments just are, and that’s all they should be.
If I spend too much time thinking about how everything I do today will have to be done again tomorrow and then again the day after that and again and again …. I start to feel the crushing overwhelm of my life. Instead, I try to live purposeful moment to purposeful moment, knowing that it’s all adding up to a picture I can’t necessarily see yet.