My daughter is in love with Dallas. Not so much the city, but the people in it. Over the last few weeks, on numerous occasions, she has said, “I am never going back to Phoenix. I am going to stay in Dallas forever.” I am struck by her statement, wondering if she know what forever means. So I ask her, “What do you mean forever?” She says, “You and Daddy can go back to Phoenix and I will stay here in Dallas forever.”
She has many reasons to believe in forever. It has been non-stop fun for her and I don’t think the smile has evaporated from her face. There has been pancake making, fingernail painting, swimming, ice cream runs, and impromptu lunches with cousins. It’s been a magical world for her, where happiness exists in full supply.
I hope she remembers these moments, but a large part of me believes that she won’t. There will be plenty of photographs and retelling of these memories, but the essence of forever will be lost. Maybe it is a word that only can be understood by a child, the fairy tale meaning not collapsing as soon as it is uttered.
__________________________________________________________________________
When is the last time you thought about the word forever? Do you think forever is a child’s word? Do you think as adults we are capable of believing in forever? Do you recall feeling forever as a child?
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Lovely post – I sense you are all having a wonderful time being in Dallas. I don’t know about a sense of forever but when my daughter says never as in “no you never do that” I know she means never 🙂
Sounds like you’re having a wonderful time with family and there will be lovely memories for your daughter. I’m not sure about the term forever… I guess I hadn’t really thought much of it. At first I thought, “Of course I believe in forever. My marriage is forever!” And then I laughed at myself. I don’t really know that. Who knows what the future holds!? We could divorce, or worse.
I think you might be right – it IS a child’s word. They are so innocent and don’t have the cynicism (or is it realism?) that we seem to gain as adults. Interesting thoughts!
i know we just met once/twice at Archana’s house a long time back but just wanted to tell you I really enjoy reading your posts…in an otherwise very routine life filled with two kids, job, wife responsibilities, you always give me something to look forward to!!
Thanks!
Arti (Archana’s friend from ATL)
That’s so true – I think the concept of “forever” in a child’s mind is so dramatically different from how an adult perceives that word. We as adults realize that nothing is “forever”. But as a kid, you can still believe that! Remember writing “BFF” (Best Friends Forever) on notes to your best buddy when you were a kid??? Sadly, how many of those people are still in our lives? I think a child’s concept of “forever” is a hopeful, innocent one and one that we should let them believe…until they have to grow up and realize it is a concept that is never a reality.
I think you are right, forever is for children, which is why they so fully enjoy things. It goes both ways, though, we are able to endure pain because we can see the end in sight. We should be gentle with them, if this is true and they are feeling their pain will go on forever. I think this concept is another way of having empathy toward our children, when they are crying over a disappointment, think that from their point of view, they are losing something they thought was forever. Maybe that is why we say children who have lost a parent grow up too fast. Their sense of forever has been shattered.
I think that’s the sign of a perfect trip!
Yes unfortunately as we become older I think that concept of forever does begin to fade as we’re exposed to more and more of the harsh realities of life.
I’m agreeing with Elastamom here – clearly this is a wonderful trip and going from my own experiences, although much of the detail may be lost, the wonderful joy that she is feeling may well stay with her …forever . :).
I love everything about this post, Rudri. We can feel her burst of energy and certainty through your words, and her happiness. You describe the “full supply” she is experiencing in Dallas, and how glorious for her, whether she recalls it or not. As you say, you’ll have pictures and stories which will spark memories and good feelings.
As for “Forever,” maybe we, as adults, should have the child’s sensation of it. A sort of elongated “now” – not a head full of before and after and everything there is to get done.
Of course, that’s not possible for us as adults. Still, we might learn from the fullness of the child’s experience.
It will be hard for you to leave. I can only imagine.
I think there’s a forever *right now*. But forever in the long run, that’s hard to come by. Though forever as you age isn’t nearly as forever as forever when you’re a child.
That’s a lot of forever ;).
I think I stopped believing in forever when I started questioning the faith tradition I was brought up in. And now? I like to think making the most of each moment and promising to remember the good ones forever (or as long as “forever” is for me) is enough. But I want my children to believe in forever for … ever.
It’s quite like Santa and the tooth fairy isn’t it? You love seeing their zeal for these myths that seem so real to them and you hesitate to burst their bubble and therefore let them believe and hold on for as long as they can. Meanwhile, you let their enthusiasm infect yours. And you too, for their sake, want to believe. And make them real just for their sake.
Sadly, no. :o(
Time is so slow and undefined for children! My son is into “now” more than “forever,” but either way they know how to live in the moment.
Reading Shannon’s response made me remember that when I’m not busy worrying about mortality, I do feel that my family and a handful of friends – all people I’ve known forever – still feel like “forever.” But I’ve lost most of my sense of a happy forever – I’m too aware of how my favorite moments can’t last that long.
Tonight, though, my husband changed the oil in my car and made me time it. THAT felt like forever. 🙂
How awesome that Dallas will always hold a special place for her (and you). That’s a beautiful thing!
This post stirred things up for me. Made me remember my own forevers. But even though I only remember them through photographs and diaries at this point, the essence has stayed with me all these years. Always makes me smile. Like right now. Reading your post a second time. Reveling in the fact that I might have passed through those years, but I’ve never forgotten. I bet she won’t, either.
At that age “forever” is until the next equally exciting moment. Gald you are having a fabulous time!
That’s the thing about youth isn’t it? Everything is so simple and clean cut. She will always carry a feeling from it, I’m sure. There is lots I remember from my youth as feeling, and not so much as images. And plus you will help her with her memories through your writing. It’s a special gift she will have!
Oh, how I love forevers. And the energy and opitimism of youth. You’ve captured that so beautifully in this post. Love it! Love it, love it, love it!
I’m glad you’re having such a great time being at home. I remember the feelings of “forever”. Lots of hope, happiness. Sad it’s not the same as an adult.