Once upon a time I was an only child. When I turned nine, that all changed. There was this other person that invaded my parent’s space and mine. It was hard not to ignore her because even though I was nine years old, I knew she was cute. I would overhear my mom bragging to all of her friends about how perfect she looked on the day she was born.
I realized that she wasn’t just another person visiting, but she was here to stay. She was my sister. For years, because of our age difference, I didn’t know what to do with this relationship. I wasn’t young enough to play with her and she wasn’t old enough to understand what my life was like. So because we were both trying to figure out what our relationship should be, we were in constant transition. Usually this involved me trying to keep her out of my business as I would slam the door and say, “Get out of my room. I need some privacy.” She would interrupt me when I was talking on the phone, secretly borrow some of my Debbie Gibson vests, and annoy me until I couldn’t take it anymore.
As a teenager, I knew that I had a sister, but I didn’t realize the true sanctity of this relationship.
As we both grew older, I learned that the nine year age difference was just a number. My sister is one of my best friends. When I have happy news or sad news or no news, I call her. I tell her details in my life that I know that other people wouldn’t care about it. We yell at each other. We cry together. We share memories of our father.We talk about all of those things that haven’t been touched by time.I love my sister, even more than she will ever know. She has given me strength when I couldn’t muster any of my own, she has offered me encouragement when others doubted, and she has always been there, without question.
It is a relationship that out of comfort, I sometimes take for granted. I am reminded that I shouldn’t when I hear stories of siblings who don’t get along or aren’t particularly close. I am lucky, because I have a sister, a guaranteed safety net.
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What is your relationship with your sibling? Is it a relationship that you cherish? Why or why not?
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
You are both very beautiful and are fortunate that you realize what a lovely and important relationship you have. This photo reminds me of photographs my friend showed me of her and her sisters at her wedding in Pakistan. The gowns are so pretty. I had another friend bring me a gown (is it called something like dishca? I’m sure my spelling is off even if that is the correct term) from her home country of Jordan. I’ve always been amazed at the beauty of the clothing. I used to put the gown on and wear it for a few hours around the house…I always felt lovely in it. I know it’s just a piece of clothing, but it was as if I was transported in it.
Thanks so much. I am glad you admire the the outfits. They are actually called saris, the traditional dress from India. Its about 6 yards of fabric wrapped around. The clothing is beautiful and I agree, when I wear it, I am transported to my Indian roots.
Glad you stopped by.
Great post! I think my older brother, Shane, would agree with you. We’re about 5 and a half years apart and I was probably the annoying little brother that would break his most prized toys. Now, my brothers and I hang out every chance we get and our relationship is much deeper and more meaningful. It’s a welcome change!
You are both beautiful, talented, smart and lucky to have and appreciate each other. I am lucky to have known both of you!!
My Guy has a brother 8 years younger and he had the same issues with you – not sure how to relate with that age gap but as they grew older, they had a better relationship.
As for me, I could only dream of having a sister. Being an only child longing for something as beautiful as this was all I had. It’s too late for me but this is the reason why I hope my daughter will have a sibling one day. While I enjoyed my childhood, I know having someone like that in my life to share my secrets, pain and happiness will make things easier. May be naive of me to think all sibling relationships are like that but hey, if I’m in the business of hoping, I might as well go for broke right? 🙂
p.s. love the sarees.
Hi Rudri – what a lovely picture of the two of you and what an absolutely beautifully written tribute to your sister.
My sister is 5 years younger than I so I know what you mean about growing up with a big age gap (yours being far more so) as you never in childhood are at the same stages. What fifteen year old wants a 10 year old following them around?!? I know I never did. I left home for University at 18 and never really went back, so my sister and I never became close. I started moving home and country, she got married and had four children and I was living a bachelorette life style and so we have never become close. I really regret now missing out on that opportunity. I am glad you and your sister did eventually become close.
Congratulations on your Momalom best Five For Ten post award also, it is so very well deserved.
It is VERY nice to have a sister, isn’t it?! My sister and I don’t always get along–we have extremely different personalities–but we’ve been through so much together that no matter what we are truly bonded for life. I know whenever I need someone, she will be there, no matter what it is.
I also have a sibling that is much younger than I am, though, and that is a very different situation. My little brother is 7 years younger than I am, and although we love each other very much, we definitely don’t have the close relationship my sister and I have. I often feel like more of a “parent” to him than I do a sibling. Maybe that will change as he gets a little older…he’s only 19. A 19-year-old’s life is much different than this 27-year-old mother of two’s.
You got me good this morning. First, what a beautiful picture. Stunning really.
Second, their is nothing better than a sister. My sister understood me like nobody else ever could or ever would. We were so very close. I could get mad at her and I knew I would be immediately forgiven. She could talk me down when I needed to be talked down. It was a bond like none other I have ever had.
She, too, was my best friend.
And I lost her. Rudri it was unimaginable. She died when I was pregnant with my first baby.
Seeing you with your sister makes me happy. Happy for you and happy that I was lucky enough to have a sister like I did.
Hug her tightly.
The best part about a sister is that you just know. So much is unspoken. Unconditional. So, hug her again. This time for me.
Hi Rudri – What a gorgeous picture and gorgeous words about your relationship with your sister. (You always write such wonderful tributes!) Your post made me once again wish that I had a sister. I have two brothers – one older and one younger – and we get along well. But there’s something I always see in a sister-sister bond that makes me long for that experience. What a powerful gift to have in your life!
Have a great weekend!
I can appreciate and somewhat relate to this story. However, imagine having a half-sister 20 years younger than you!!! I love my little sister so much, but most of the time feel that she is like a niece to me, rather than that “traditional sister-type relationship”, because of the huge age difference. I look forward, though, to us one day being able to have a closer sister-type relationship, once she gets to be in 20s and on. Especially not having grown up with her, I still consider myself an only child. But I am so very thankful to have her in my life, no matter what title is put on our relationship.
My sister and I are closer in age, but that just meant we had a few years of bad competition. We haven’t lived in the same state in more then 15 years, so while we have an unbreakable bond, I wish we were closer. I was thrilled when my #2 was a second girl. Having a sister is awesome. And gaining a brother from my husband is pretty cool too. I’ve known him since he was 12!
What a beautiful picture, Rudri. I grew up with 3 older sisters. More often than I’d like, I take them for granted. I longed for a younger sibling growing up. But you’re right, sisters are always there without question (annoying as they can be at times).
You are indeed very lucky to have a sibling to cherish. It sounds like you both outgrew the age difference, to form a wonderful bond. That’s never a given.
I hope my sons will be close as they grow into men. A sibling to count on is a great gift.
Hi Rudri! Your sister and you are the definition of elegance. What a fantastic picture. What a wonderful tribute to your sister as well. You were incredibly blessed.
I have a brother who is only 22 months younger than me. We don’t even know each other anymore, so yes I’m sad to say that the age difference is only a number. We are 100% complete opposites, actually I wonder sometimes if we grew up in the same home.
Continue to cherish that relationship because it sounds like you have more than blood between you. That is awesome!
What a beautiful picture! My sister and I have a complicated relationship but we love each other and that’s all that counts!
What a beautiful photo of two beautiful women.
Although brother/sister relationships can be great I think that there is just something so special about siblings of the same sex – a greater understanding of what really makes the other tick. I always wished I’d had a sister as a lifelong ally, friend and confidante.
You are so wonderfully blessed to have a sister. (And beautiful – loved that photo of you two.) I watch as my girls get on each others nerves and yell and scream, and pray that they’ll one day reach the point where you and your sister find yourselves now.
I mean, if you can get through Debbie Gibson vests, you can do anything!
Beautiful picture; you both look so lovely!
My brother and I are 10 months apart. And aside from the pesky adolescent stage, we have always been pretty close. Now that we’re both married and have young children though, we don’t get to spend much time together. But I do treasure our relationship.
My middle sister and I are best friends. I wish I could say the same about my relationship with my brother and my baby sister (who’s about to turn 22, so not a baby anymore!) We all get along, but my other siblings and I can go for weeks without talking to each other and we all live in the same city! I shouldn’t take them for granted, and I’m going to definitely try harder with my brother and younger sister. I hope that my two girls will have a special relationship, and I want to set a good example for them. BTW, you both look gorgeous!
I’m thankful for my sister every single day. Your post reminded me how long its been since I told her so. Cheers to sisters!
I love the photo of the two of you. What beautiful women you are! And I really wish I could relate to this post. You are so fortunate to have this relationship (and in your writing, you make it obvious that you know this). My own relationship with my sister is so very complicated and difficult. I wish I could share things with her, but alas, it isn’t meant to be that way. I’ve actually been contemplating a post of my own about it as I see the relationship between my boys developing. So nice of you to share this part of yourself here.
I was also an older sibling. There was eight years difference between me and my brother. I have similar stories from childhood of him invading my privacy and getting on my nerves. But, just like you two, we became closer as we got older. We spent a lot of time together, going to the lake or just hanging out. I lost him in a car accident two years ago. There is a massive hole in my heart now that time does not heal. Enjoy your relationship with your sister and value every moment together. Life is so short and these are the relationships that make life so wonderful.
Oh Rudri, you know I know exactly what you are writing about, right? And you especially got me with this: “I tell her details in my life that I know that other people wouldn’t care about it. We yell at each other. We cry together. We share memories of our father.We talk about all of those things that haven’t been touched by time.” Yes. To all of it. To sisters. To MY sister. Because this life of mine would be much less full without her.
And yes, you did just make me all weepy for the bond I have with Jen. Happily so.
Thank you!
Well, how fitting that my comment directly follows Sarah, who e-mailed me this morning: Subject: “Dude” Body: “Read this” (followed by your link)
I am adept at taking her orders. This somewhat forceful instruction to read a particular post does not happen very often.
And now, your post, it all is so familiar. Six years separate us, and we have a brother between us, but it’s not about the age we are anymore. And we truly appreciate each other. And, I realize now, we really need to have a photo taken together.
Glad you two are so close … I bet the Debbie Gibson vests helped. =>
I can’t believe I haven’t commented on this post yet. To all that have commented, thank you for your gracious comments and for making ME realize what a great sister I have, a blessing through and through. To say my sister has been a big influence in my life is an understatement. To influencing my fashion sense (and where would we be without those Debbie Gibson vests, I ask you??!) to influencing the bigger decisions in my life such as my career, my sister has been and continues to be my rock. My link to nostalgia, my link to my father and my mother, my link to what I can become, my link to what motherhood should look like, and countless other things.
So for all those things, and for ” those things that haven’t been touched by time,” I thank YOU, Rudri ben, for being MY sister.
I love you. 🙂