In the recent weeks, I’ve been really caught up about complaining about Phoenix. It is turning hot here, the high yesterday almost 97 degrees and I am reminded about how it gets too hot too fast in this city. It isn’t even summer yet and the air conditioning is turned on in our house. There are other things that aren’t appealing about the desert, like javelinas (wild pigs) walking down our street at 10:00 p.m. and the sidewinder snake in my neighbor’s bushes. Yesterday I walked out in the middle of the afternoon and my street looked like a ghost town, people beginning their hibernation plans early this year.
I tell my husband, “It is already hot in this stupid town.” My daughter in the background saying, “Momma, stupid is a bad word.” I tell her I am sorry and say that I don’t mean it and won’t say it again. Secretly, I know I will be saying it again. The complaint about the weather turns into how I don’t feel settled here and haven’t made very many friends. The slippery slope of grievances begin, finding fault with everything from the weather, the cuisine available and the people I have met so far. My facial expressions change with each complaint, the wrinkles forming around the corners of my mouth and the sense of self-imposed doom overwhelms me.
I can choose to wallow in this state, but I take a moment to think about where I am and I reflect. I don’t have anything tangible to complain about. Nothing really. Honest. But I wonder why when one thing doesn’t go our way, we are quick to indict our surroundings, other people, and our whole life. A bad morning drive, lack of sleep, or struggling with the morning routine with our children can set the pace for the entire day. The remainder of the day can proceed without any worries, but still, that one complaint will linger and follow you like a shadow.
We have all been around complainers. Everything that comes out of their mouth is a complaint. The food is too cold, the weather is too hot, and the person on the street smiled wrong. You all know the kind of person I am talking about. I’ve complained about these complainers. Funny, huh? I think we all our teetering on this invisible edge, moving with each complaint, toward the chronic complainer side.
It’s a clear conscience choice. I am going to start right now. Phoenix is a clean city, the freeways are great, and the people, well strangers ask you how you are doing. This morning I went for a run and I didn’t have to worry about it raining. I can look at the mountains while I write. In fact, in twenty minutes I can even go hike a mountain. And just yesterday I discovered a great Mexican restaurant and had a coffee date with a new friend that I met in Phoenix.
It is always almost about perspective. I promise.
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How do you deal with complaints? How do you focus your energy in a more positive direction? We could all use the help. Please share your thoughts.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Rudri,
Even to date, you know that I have not been fond of Houston, but yet spent 15 years. I really don’t get to complain given my schedules and stuff, but I always think about this other place that will once move to. I place closer to mountains of course. Then I get a relief as I see the current state as a temporary place, so it doesn’t bother me much. But lately I reconsidering the mountains given the volcanic eruption in Europe;) I guess there no perfect place.
Archana,
I know some day you will get to live in your ideal place. But like you said, there is no perfect place so maybe you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Thanks for commenting!
First of all, rockin’ new design!!! It looks great.
On the subject of complaints. I do a lot of it myself, but mostly in my head. I think that can be just as toxic. It’s a slippery slope, and when we focus on the negative it tends to bring out more negative doesn’t it? I’ve never been the type who does “positivity chants,” I just can’t stomach the idea, but I do believe that our minds feed our feelings. All this nonsense to say, I know exactly how you feel. I’m struggling with finding a way to focus my positivity, if you find out any golden nuggets that help, I’d love to hear about them!
Thanks Christine. I was beginning to wonder if anyone noticed the new design. I appreciate it.
I have no golden nuggets yet, but maybe it will hit me like an epiphany one day. If it does, I will certainly share.
Its funny that you write this article because, I was just asking my husband if I am a complainer. I like what you have to say about the City. I was also frustrated with PHX but its slowly growing on me. I think that I am lucky to get to travel like this with new job. Howmany people we know get a chance like this? Some people born, raised and die in the same town. Atleast we get a chance to experience different modes of life with new places and new friends.
Darsh,
We are lucky to experience different cities. You are right – some people never leave their hometowns and only dream of visiting other places. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Rudri,
Just love your new design – absolutely love it! I did the same thing when the military made us live in Selma, AL. I didn’t like anything about it – other than the Japonicas – but there is a grand scheme in all that happens to us. It helps us to grow and learn and challenges our creative energies and ingenuity.
Personally, I am reeeelly glad you moved here, because I am getting to know you better all the time and I appreciate our relationship and our friendship.
Thanks for bringing perspective into my day, because I do the same thing!
Trish
Thanks Trish. I always appreciate your support. I am glad you like the design.
You and the WWW are one of the best things that has happened to me. Here’s to writing and friendship!
Haven’t been to Phoenix in years, but I used to really enjoy it. We’d hit the Metro center, Big Surf, Rawhide etc. I hear that those places aren’t the same, but then again haven’t been there since around ’90 so I expect that things have changed a bit.
Hi Rudri, I hear you about complaining. I know how it affects me, it pulls me down, when I’m around complainers and I really try not to drag others down like that.
One thing about complaining that I think isn’t so bad is it locates us within the thing we’re complaining about, in your case, and in doing so, it fuels our instinct to seek/create order out of chaos. I think the very thing that makes us make things better is a relative of complaining.
As for perspective being what it’s almost always about, I agree. We’re better off when we’re able to manage/temper our perspective.
I wallow. I eat chocolate. I drink a cup of tea. I wallow. Then, I brighten. I focus on God’s blessings. I recover. I don’t wallow again for at least a week. :o)
I like your chocolate & tea method. Sounds good to me. Thanks for stopping by.