I don’t think I will be winning an Academy award anytime soon. I will not be standing on a stage with my red or silver shimmery dress, thanking God and the Academy and my husband for my trophy as my colleagues and family cheer me on. I watched the Academy Awards telecast on Sunday night and as people clapped and cried through their speeches, I thought about when the rest of us, people like you and me, would have our Oscar moment.
There is a good chance it will never happen. I may never get an Oscar moment. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want recognition. In fact, I crave it more now. When I was working as a lawyer, my recognition happened when I won a hearing or a trial for a client. It was nice to feel a win, the recognition that your skills and preparation could result in a triumph in the profession that you chose. Even in my personal life, as a wife and a mom, I seek validation everyday. We all want to believe we are doing a good job, whether at the workplace or at home. It is validation that whatever skills we offer are worthy and valuable. We want to know what we are doing means something.
I think about people everywhere who are doing great, noble acts who deserve an Oscar, but will probably not get one. We have all heard about these people – the families who choose to adopt, those who choose to give up their life savings to charity, and those countless people who help people in silent ways, the people that make the world work better, but we never know who they are. They don’t get the national telecast on prime time television or the public praise, but it doesn’t mean that they aren’t making an impact on someone’s life.
But they do these things without expectation and maybe that is the lesson I need to learn, that validation comes from the act itself, not from the praise.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
You said it beautifully.
Thanks D.
So glad we’ve connected! I suspect I will really enjoy reading and will stop by often. I am particularly taken with this post, because it hits home. I’ve always been the kind of person who needs validation. I think of it as a consequence of our education system. We spend more than 20 years learning that our value comes from the approval of others (though grades, evaluations etc.) that it’s difficult to find value in ourselves. Then, sometimes when the really important “Oscar” moments come along we sometimes miss them, or they feel anticlimactic. You’ve said it perfectly though, it’s about finding validation in the act.
Christine,
Thanks for the stopping by. Our society does set up expectations for validation so it is hard to center only on the actual act. When we don’t get that validation, something feels like it is missing.
I am glad we connected and I really enjoyed your last post.
What a thoughtful, well-articulated post. And you’re absolutely right: there are many people far more deserving of recognition than the rich and famous men and women we celebrate at awards shows. If I asked myself whom I value more, a teacher or an actress, I would obviously answer “teacher.” But I realize that I pay much more attention and give much more time to honoring the work of the actress. Thanks for the reminder to re-prioritize according to my values.
Kristen,
I find myself doing the same thing sometimes.
I think it is getting caught up in the moment, not realizing that there is a whole world of people doing valuable things and not getting any recognition for it.
Thanks for the generous comment and for stopping by. I will do the same!
So true. We get caught up in the glitz and at times I fear that we’re losing sight of what’s artificial and what’s real. But as you point out, at every turn, we see everyday people doing their thing, making a difference in someone’s life. And I have to believe that through all the fumbling that I do with my good intentions, I am, too.
Belinda,
Thanks for stopping by. I am with you – I am trying to cultivate a life of doing, instead of expecting. Hard to do, but trying.
Agreed. Simply written, but speaks volumes.