A black leotard, a pink tutu, cute pink ballet slippers, and black tap shoes were on the agenda yesterday. My daughter has been harassing me for months to enroll her in a ballet class. So armed with a mission, we enrolled her in ballet class, purchased her gear, and she started her first class.
I am a mother, but I am not typically sentimental about everything my daughter does. Yesterday, I didn’t think I would have giant tears on my face, but watching my little ballerina made me sad. We ask this question so many times, “Where did the time go?” I really don’t know where it went. I know one moment I was feeding her a bottle, changing her diaper, and pushing her in a stroller. Now, she doesn’t need me as much. She picks out her own clothes, feeds herself, and rides her bicycle.
As I peeked through the window of her ballet class, she is twirling on her tiptoe and she has forgotten about me. She is enamored by the other little girls in her class and looks at her dance teacher with awe. I am heading to my car, feeling a little sad, the tear in my eye acknowledging that she is growing up. A part of me wants to stop this moment in time because every time she does something on her own, she is saying a little good-bye to me. It is all a part of the cycle, but it hurts.
I say to myself again, “Where does the time go?” and I notice a gray hair on top of my head, and look over to my Mom who is sitting on the other side of me, her head full of gray. I start the car, my mom and I discussing how sweet my daughter looks, and I catch a little tear in her eye too. I know, by looking at me, she is hurting too, wondering where all of the time goes.
Welcome! I am a lawyer turned freelance writer, essayist, and editor. On staff at Literary Mama and the co-founder and co-editor of the literary journal, The Sunlight Press, my essays and reported work have appeared in The Washington Post, The Lily, Saveur, Civil Eats, Brain, Child, ESPN and elsewhere. I am currently at work on a memoir on grief and culture and how it provides perspective on life’s ordinary graces. I invite you to appreciate the ordinary with me. I hope my daily practice of seeing the magic in the mundane helps you celebrate and find more of these moments in your life too.
Life can be so bittersweet. At times, we are in such a hurry for our kids to grow up. At other times, we feel like they are growing up too quickly. Your post made me realize I need to savor everyday and not always be thinking ohhh I can’t wait till they talk, go to bathroom themselves, etc.
She looks so cute in the ballerina outfit!!!!
Time slips by like sand slipping through your hands. You have captured all the feelings which me and Ruta go through day in and day out. Our daughter is already 3, fiercely independent and twirls around in her tutu since last 6 months now. But the moment when you go to pick her up from school, is priceless. I do not know how long her face will light up at our sight, but one thing is for sure, we are holding on to these precious moments, every moment.
One of my favorite posts yet. You and Mom aren’t the only teary-eyed ones. Thanks for making me cry…again, a good cry though. So glad Jumi likes ballet!
Geez, Ru. Now I’m all teary eyed, too! I know! You turn around and they are becoming such little ladies! And Melody turns TWO years old on the 16th of this month. TWO! I hear someone say recently – several people actually – that with children, “the days are long, but the years are fast”.
Rudriben, when nandini grows older, let her participate on the dancing show called “So you think you can dance”..She will fulfil Radhika Masi’s dancing dream 🙂
Enjoyed this piece of urs!
–Shrenuj Dave
http://www.shrenujsimplified.wordpress.com
Thanks again Shrey. Radhika is excited that she likes to dance so much. Maybe they will dance together one day.
Rudri,
I absolutley loved the photo of your ballerina girl! It sort of brings a lump to my throat – have photos of my “little girl” (now in her mid-30’s) in a similar costume. Now another page turns as Frank and I plan travel to Chicago in the spring because our oldest granddaugher called and invited us to attend her first ballet recital (she is 4 yrs.). Of course we will be there:>)!
I think for both of our little women, time will wisk by and we will be talking about the other “ball” dresses like high school proms.
YIKES! Not too fast, please, oh please. . . .
Thank you for the memories, Rudri.
Trish